BBspot


Archives
 
BBlog
Happy Thanksgiving and a BBeliever Daily Links - 11/10/11 Daily Links - 11/2/11
BBloopers
Fun at Sea
Football Fans
Great College
Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
PC Weenies
The Neverending Story
Gratuity Not Included
Uptime Downtime
Geek Horoscopes
Random Geek Horoscopes
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Recommended
Fark
[H]ard Folding Team
The Toque
Worth 1000
Joe the Peacock
PC Weenies
Mental Floss
Smashing Games
Free Codecs
SlushFactory
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
I-Mockery
Um... Things
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Friday, October 6 12:00 AM ET

Internet to Close Down
On National Holidays

By Christopher Jones

Washington , D.C. - DARPA, the government agency that created and now oversees and maintains the Internet, announced that beginning in 2007 the Internet will observe all government holidays. Both the House and Senate approved the measure.

The PlugThe plan is to shut down everything Internet-related at 12 AM ET on the holiday in question and reboot exactly 24 hours later. This will include all subsidiary branches of the net, such as FTP, NNTP, TELNET, and the newly completed Pornography Internet Manufacturers Protocol.

When asked how exactly the global shutdown of the mass communications network would be effected, DARPA spokesperson Milly Zimmerly said, "We'll just pull the plug, you know." After being prompted to clarify her metaphor, she replied, "No, seriously, there's a big plug in Operations Center D that brings the whole 'net to screeching halt if you trip over it."

The Internet's most influential business leaders are making plans to cope with future outages. Vijay Ranjit, VP of Development for Google, has confirmed that his company is adjusting its search algorithms to anticipate search requests that might have occurred on those days. When customers go the Google home page the day after a shutdown, they'll be automatically presented with the anticipated search results. Not surprisingly, the adjusted search algorithm relies heavily on PIMP.

Related News

Top 11 Rejected Holiday Specials

Microsoft's AntiSpyware Tool Removes Internet Explorer

USPS Sues Internet Users

Yahoo intends to offer access to an alternate Internet during the shutdowns. Dubbed "Internet2", this "new" network already exists but has been collecting dust for more than decade. Mark Saunders, COO of Yahoo, said that while Internet2 is being used by just a small handful of scholars and research scientists, he hopes that by redirecting traffic to it he can "make it as intellectually diverse as the Internet we enjoy today." Like Google, Yahoo intends to also leverage PIMP to allow their systems to cope with the traffic.

Meanwhile, gaming company Blizzard has announced that they've signed a co-branding deal with DARPA. Once the government holiday observance program goes into effect, holidays flagged for Internet shutdown are to be officially known as "World of Warcraft Patch Days."

More News

Recommend this Story to a Friend
Previous Story:

Alleged Music Pirate Copied from as Kid
Next Story:

BBspot Mailbag

 
 
RSS Feed Subscribe
Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Google Buzz Follow Us on Buzz
Amazon Find the BBook

 

  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

sharepoint survey web part - make money online

Copyright 1999-2008 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a satire news and comedy source and meant to be funny. If you are easily offended, gullible or don't have a sense of humor we suggest you go elsewhere.