Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
Last week a lady made a pass at the Nigerian Billionaire before asking him for money. And now for something completely different...
Mr. Ayele, I have recently heard of your incredible generousity. I am very excited to have an opportunity to share my story with you, in the hopes that you can help me. In return, I promise to make the most of your help by helping others.
My name is xxxxxxx. I am 23 years old. I have been married for 5 years to my wife xxxxxx. <snipped boring stuff about education> During my senior year of college, I began a transformation. I was born male... my name was xxxxxxxx. I have always been very distressed by my gender, so I decided to change it. I have completed the required therapy and am now ready to have the sex change surgery. Living as a girl has made me very happy. xxxxxx and I are not going to stay married, but we love each other just the same... we are going to be best friends and soul mates forever. The costs of the procedures are very high, and funding it has been difficult. This is one reason that I ask you for help.
<snipped whining about having to work to get money>
Let me also explain my wife's dreams... she wants to get her law degree and a public health degree and go on to establish a clinic in the impoverished nation of Haiti. I would love to be able to help her with that.
This is my story, please consider assiting me, and I would be more than happy to share with you what I have done with the money, and how I have been able to make the world better because of it.
So she wants me to give her money so she can get a sex change. If there's enough left over she'll help his ex-wife set up a clinic in impoverished Haiti? Somebody needs priorities.
This band took the trouble of contacting both the Nigerian Billionaire and the Sony music executive. First the contacted Mr. Music Executive...
Hello Andrew, we are a Fort Lauderdale band called LaDezma. We would like to set a date when we might be able to meet.
We have a great international financial backer, so money was not a factor when choosing your company, we were attracted by the way Sony does business and we are sticking behind Rootkits so we know that our songs are not being pirated. Which is our highest concern.
Take your time when looking at our website www.LaDezma.com which has songs, videos, and contact info.
Thank you for your time in reading this email and giving our band a chance.
And then Esenam...
I have a band in Fort Lauderdale called LaDezma. We have a website www.LaDezma.com which has songs, videos, and contact info.
We are looking to get into a record deal, but without the financial backing it's hard to do the trips to Beverly Hills and see recording companies like Sony.
We ask, if you are able to help us get into a record deal, then we will be able to visit you and give you many, many thanks.
PS: we will send our bank routing number on the next email.
OK, so they were just having a bit of fun with the profiles, but for a brief moment I thought I had something really good.
Grumpy Old Men
One reader wrote in with a comment on our Grumpy Old Men piece...
Sent: Thursday, February 15, 2007 9:11 AM
Subject: Grumpy Old Man
I can't wait for when I have kids/grandkids old enough to appreciate the walk to school uphill both ways bit. In high school, I actually did have to walk to school uphill both ways almost every day. Granted, it was by choice, it was only a little more than a mile, I had to get out of the house before my mother noticed the weather was bad, and I had a bus driver that wouldn't stop to pick me up even if I did wait for it. As for uphill in both directions, I lived at the top of a hill and the school was another hill over, so it got pretty steep in both directions.
I've been looking forward to telling that to my kids for over a decade now, and I still have probably another decade before I have any that are old enough to not believe me.
He confided that the only reason he did have kids was to tell them this story. He couldn't die knowing that he squandered the chance to be a living cliche.
The winner of this year's Geek Limerick contest has volunteered to write a weekly limerick for BBspot. I haven't decided where to put it yet, so this week's I'll put in the Mailbag...
As the bad PB outbreak increases,
There's a recall, and purchasing ceases.
Meanwhile, Doctors now think
Cocoa keeps brains in sync.
I'm not sure what to do with my Reese's.
That's all for this week!
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