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Thursday, February 15 12:00 AM ET

Before and After the Internet:
Grumpy Old Man Edition

By Brian Briggs

We take a look at the differences between a Grumpy Old Man before the Internet existed, and how he looks in today's Internet world.

Before the Internet
After the Internet
Was 60+ years old. Is 30+ years old.
Yelled at kids to get off his lawn. Flames kids for spamming his blog.
Collected stamps/coins Collects email accounts/runecloth
Complained about how he had to walk to school. Uphill. Both ways! Complains about how he had to surf for porn. At 56k. Both ways!
"We only had sock soup to eat for dinner, and we liked it!" "We only had Slashdot to flame the noobs, and we liked it!"
Cut out newspaper clippings. Sent them to his kids. Forwards latest urban myth email to everyone in the office.
Sat on the porch with a shotgun. Sits on the porch with a laptop pirating the neighbor's open wifi network.
Hit Denny's early for the Grand Slam breakfast. Whined about the price. Hit Starbucks early for a double-shot Grande Cappuccino. Whines about the price.
His dad lost a fortune in the stock crash of 1929. His dad lost a fortune in the tech crash of 1999.
Spent hours rocking on his rocking chair. Spends hours spinning on his computer chair
Paid neighbor kid to mow his lawn. Pays neighbor kid to click on his Google ads.
Had three or four dogs to keep him company. Has three or four webcam girls to keep him company.
Told salesmen to "Get off my porch!" Convinces Nigerian scammers to dress up like a Mermaid and send him a picture.
Got together with other Grumpy Old Men at diner to share old war stories. Gets together with other Grumpy Old Men in IRC to plan next instance run in World of Warcraft.
"Back in my day we used to respect our elders" "PWNT!!!"
Never got laid. Never gets laid.

 

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