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Thursday, March 15 12:01 AM EST

I'm Baaa-aaack!

By Wallace W. Wednesday

I'm baaa-aaack! Five years in the slammer is an awful lot of time for violating a restraining order!  That'll teach me to carry a loaded weapon into Microsoft headquarters.  Touché!

I know you've missed my insightful wit.  BANG!  That sound is heads exploding all over the tech industry.  They know I get the scoops like no other, and I dish it like nobody's business.  Except when I get up into your business.  I think that made sense.  WHO CARES! I'm baaa-aaack!

The tech titans tried to keep me behind bars, but a couple of CEOs at a parole hearing couldn't counter good ole' Wally's know-how when it comes to good behavior.  Not when I'm dealing with you Steve-O! I'm nothing, but BAD!

I kept in touch with my inside sources inside the big house, and I see the Redmond giant is still around despite my numerous predictions.  That's all about to change.  Contrary to their protestations, Google is competing with Microsoft and it's about to get ugly With Google's release of Google Office, GoogleOS and GoogleNET Explorer, it's not going to be a competition, it's going to be an old-fashioned butt-kicking!  Bring out the party hats boys; it's time to dance on the grave of the hOuSe that Gates built.  As my teenage son would say, “You have been POWMED!" Don't ask me what it means.  Ask him!

Another one of my inside sources tells me that all is not well over at Apple.  A recent company-wide e-mail sent by Steve Jobs banned rectangular desks. From now on all desks at Apple will be in, get this, the shape of an apple.   Jobs claimed the apple-shaped desks will be a great for team building and brand awareness among employees.  Jobs has finally gone NUTS! Nuts I say! And I'll say it again, NUTS!  You might be STUNned (which has NUTS backwards in it) by this news, but the consulting firm Accenture says that logo-shaped desks increase worker productivity by 5%! Don't try to find the study, Steve Jobs has the only copy... in his insane mind!

Michael Dell is back at the helm and he's steering the U. S. S. Microsoft right into the iceberg with the decision to start loading Linux on every Dell computer going out the door.  Call 9-1-1! Dude, you're having a heart attack, and that dude is Steve Ballmer.  Once consumers get their hands on the Linux, they'll never go back.  Take that to the BANK and cash it like a predated stock option! ZING! Oh Vista, I won't miss ya.

Footnote: The premier technology news website "The Bbspot" continues to run the Wednesday Wally on their site. The rest of you will have to wait until they get the photocopier fixed at the library before I can send out the newsletter.  Hey-O "The Bbspot" readers!

Wallace W. Wednesday, President and Founder of WWWednesday Consulting LLC, resides in San Mingo Guapo, California. He comments on all aspects of technology in his syndicated column Wednesday Wally on Thursdays.

The following disclaimer must be attached to all documents produced by Wallace W. Wednesday or WWWednesday Consulting LLC by order of the Superior Court of California, County of San Francisco. This ruling is unrelated to the continuing Microsoft restraining order.

Disclaimer: A strong correlation has been proven between advice given by Mr. Wednesday and WWWednesday Consulting LLC, and several corporate bankruptcies. Extreme caution is urged before following any advice proffered by Mr. Wednesday or his companies.

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