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Wednesday, November 14 12:00 AM ET

AT&T Sponsoring Guantanamo Bay

By Brian Briggs

San Francisco, CA – AT & T and the US Government have announced a sponsorship agreement for the Guantanamo Bay base in Cuba.  In the deal, AT&T will provide free wireless and TV service to the base; in return government officials will refer to the base as "Guantanamo Bay brought to you by the new AT&T" in all public speeches.

"We figured with the spying on telephone and Internet traffic, people couldn't think much worse of us, so why not go all the way?" said AT&T CEO Darius Vadem. "I want it to be clear though we don't actually take part in any torture of prisoners."

However, several prisoners reported that it was torture waiting for downloads on AT&T's data network.

Many people think the deal will hurt AT&T's already tarnished operation, but recent surveys show that the Guantanamo Bay name receives more favorably ratings from consumers than AT&T.

"The deal doesn't surprise me," said Ralph Sander, a customer at an AT&T Wireless store.  "I would be surprised to hear that all their repair technicians are undercover CIA agents operating illegally in the country."

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"I wouldn't," said Vadem.

Vadem did deny reports that employees were free to dedicate up to 20% of their time to projects that violate the constitutional rights of Americans.  "AT&T is a global company; we're not just interested in violating the rights of Americans.  We encourage our employees to think globally."

Vadem also announced in an internal memo that its new motto would be "Do More Evil." AT&T's stock was down on the news.

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