New York, NY – Nigerian philanthropic billionaire Esenam Ayele said that he would make $80 billion dollars available to US banks from his accounts in Nigeria. All he needed to transfer the funds was a trusted associate at the bank.
It couldn't come at a better time for Wall Street as the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers, the sale of Merrill Lynch and government bailout of AIG has left markets tumbling with no bottom in site. The guaranteed funds should bring some stability back to financial institutions.
Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said Ayele could be trusted. "I know he's had problems in the past with people believing him, but I assured the folks over at Washington Mutual that he was for real."
Ayele, who has returned to wealth with the rise in oil prices, said from his palace in Lagos, "I just need someone to fax me a copy of the transfer codes on some bank stationery, and I'll get the money right over."
He added that his widowed sister also had more funds she could transfer out of the country which she inherited from Prince Ugube of Tanzania. "She just as helpful as I am, but she's unable to come to the United States because of a visa issue. If somebody could just send her a cashier's check for $1000, she'll be able to clear everything up and transfer the funds."
The American government would rather have private funds involved as to not create the appearance that taxpayers will rescue every bank from dumb mistakes.
"I'm glad I can be of service," said Ayele. "The American people have done so much for me. I'm thankful to return the favor."
The Dow Jones Industrial Average was down 1,458 points on the news.