Ann Arbor, MI - The recent downturn in the economy has caused many
corporations to rationalize their employees. Even Office Jesus
has been unable to escape the ax. Once the VP
of Coffee Making and Security at Selby Communications, Office
Jesus is now homeless and forced to work miracles for food.
firing Office Jesus, President of Selby Communications, Henry Thomas
said, "Our sales numbers were dipping and we needed to make
cutbacks to maintain profitability. The guy made some damn
good coffee, but that wasn't helping the bottom line." More
recently Selby Communications filed bankruptcy after sales plummeted
and a swarm of locust destroyed their inventory. In addition, Henry
Thomas has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.
Office Jesus was unable to find work in Lufkin, so he journeyed
north. "I moved to Ann Arbor [Michigan] because they have
a lot of coffee shops where I thought I could find work," said
Jesus. "But things haven't worked out too well. I couldn't
make enough money at Espresso Royale to keep paying the rent, and
once I didn't have a permanent address the bastards fired me."
Since being terminated Office Jesus has been living in a shelter
and working miracles on street corners for spare change. "Curing
blindness is a nice skill to have, but unless your landlord is blind,
it doesn't pay the rent." said Office Jesus.
"You'd be surprised at how thankless these people are," continued
Office Jesus, "I'll cure their cancer and they'll give me 50
cents. Another guy was down here saying he'd have me arrested
for practicing medicine without a license. Luckily for me
he had a pretty bad accident before he could do that."
Editor's note: Shortly after this article was printed
Office Jesus was contacted by several bankrupt dot com corporations
to see if he could resurrect their businesses.
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