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Redmond, WA - Five days after the highly acclaimed release of Internet
Information Services (IIS, version Omega), the corpses of top Microsoft
executives and engineers were found smoldering in the offices of
their Redmond, Washington headquarters. Industry analysts speculate
that the flawless, perfect Web server software was deemed blasphemous
by God himself and that the high-ranking Microsoft employees were
smitten accordingly.
 "In
previous IIS releases, management mandated that the normally precision-obsessed
Microsoft engineers should intentionally introduce numerous bugs
into the software," said Microsoft spokesperson Shelly Waldstone
at a recent press conference. "This policy was adopted from
the time-honored tradition of the Persian rug weavers who intentionally
insert subtle flaws into their treasured masterpieces. Only God can
be perfect, and any pursuit of perfection in the secular sphere is
pure, unadulterated sacrilege."
The release of IIS Omega represented a departure from Microsoft's
policy of shipping sub-par software, however. Bill Gates was an extremely
proud individual, and his ever-expanding sense of self-importance
had a ripple effect throughout the organization. Apparently, God
frowned on Microsoft's brazen display of excessive hubris and struck
down its top executives in one fell swoop.
"God is an envious deity, and He will jealously defend His
monopoly on perfection." said Heaven's spokesperson St. Peter. "God
fancies himself a bit of a technophile, and out-coding the Supreme
One is a sure way to unleash His full fury. And, between you and
me, that's not really that difficult to do --- He isn't even certified
yet, for Heaven's sake."
When asked to comment on the fate of the deceased, St. Peter took
the offensive. "Since Microsoft unilaterally deviated from its
tradition of releasing buggy, bloated software, we had no other recourse
but to cast management into the fiery pits of DLL Hell," he
said.
Interim Microsoft executives are currently contemplating their next
move. Unnamed sources suggest that Microsoft will counterattack with
a crusade of its own, and order a surprise Business Services Administration
audit of the afterworld's software inventory.
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