Elgin, IL - Timmy Jepsen's birthday party was delayed three hours
by a virtually indestructible piñata.
"I didn't think the fucking thing was ever going to break," said
an exasperated father of the birthday boy, Tom Jepsen. "I mean
the kids were bashing it with a stick for an hour and there was hardly
a dent. I wanted to get the reciprocating saw and rip it open that
way, but the wife said 'if the kids want the candy they'll have to
work for it.'"
Joe takes a crack while indestructible SpongeBob laughs
The children first started bashing the SpongeBob Squarepants shaped
piñata with a wooden dowel rod, but as that proved ineffective
other bashing instruments were put into use.
"After the stick we got a whiffle ball bat, then I started
getting pissed so I got a length of lead pipe from the garage. A
couple of the wimpy kids couldn't lift it, so we had to skip their
turns," said the elder Jepsen.
Eventually Jepsen recruited a husky ten year old boy from the neighborhood
and gave him a small hatchet. "I made sure the kids were pretty
far back so they didn't get hurt," explained Jepsen. "Even
with the hatchet it took about five solid whacks to get the cheap-ass
candy they had pre-stuffed in there."
Carlos Smith from the Incredible Piñata Company revealed
that three hours is pretty normal for breaking open one of their
piñatas. He added, "The worst thing that can happen at
a birthday party is for the first kid to bust open the piñata.
All the other children don't get a turn and you're left with a bunch
of crying third graders. That's why our piñatas have sidewalls
reinforced with hi-tech kevlar threads. Breaking it on the first
hit is nearly impossible."
Smith continued, "Since we spend so much money on the construction
of the piñata itself it doesn't leave much margin for the
candy, so we get some cough drops that have passed their expiration
date from a distributor in Latvia. Kids don't really care as long
as it's sugary and is a pretty color."
Jepsen stated that next year they are going to Chuck E. Cheese.
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