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San Francisco, CA - ANTY(r) released the highly anticipated Tachyon
G9950 WAR-P, the newest video accelerator with industry-unique features
such as warp acceleration, faster-than-light tachyon particle control,
advanced plasma cooling system, and overclocking support. Utilizing
the newest version of the ANTY Warp Monitor (AWM v3.0), the Tachyon
G9950 WAR-P is the only video card on the market that allows the
chief engineer to see images of a game before he starts to play..
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Earth, the final frontier
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Among its many features, the new Tachyon G9950 WAR-P comes equipped
with fan speed control for lower noise levels, an advanced cooling
system with large plasma conduits for improved VPU protection against
overheating, and impressive 8-relay matter/antimatter pipeline architecture
for dilithium crystal quality. It also has a 380 THz clock speed,
128TB of DDR memory, 2048-bit memory interface, Microsoft(r) DirectX(r)
90.0 support, and OpenGL(r)2.0 support.
"The Tachyon G9950 WAR-P delivers an accelerative, faster-than-light-travel
experience for today's most demanding space-battles," said The
Great Crystalline Entity Chang, Commander of the Tachyon product
line. "ANTY exceeds expectations by incorporating powerful features
to expand the possibilities of space-flight. With capabilities such
as fan speed control and a plasma cooling system, the user is free
to push the limits of the traditional matter/antimatter powered faster-than-light
computer use."
The Great Crystalline Entity Chang also warned that users wear protective
clothing if they are within one and a half light years of the card.
Environmental Protection Agency officials issued an even sterner
warning, claiming that excess tachyon emissions could harm the entire
planet and "destroy life on earth as we know it." However,
the EPA is powerless to stop distribution of the card, as tachyon
particles are not currently on the Controlled Particle List.
The Tachyon G9950 WAR-P will reach mass production in August. More
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