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Wednesday, July 21 12:00 AM ET

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.


Believers

This guy sends a warning about the Nigerian philanthropist. To truly get the full effect of this message, you'd have to see it in all it's glory, so I have made a screen capture for you...

From: Cass
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 2:02 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Joe

hi

listen those nigerians might have money i said might
but you know 95% of these bozos are scammers in Canada and United States it is legal to receive uner ten thousand dollars over 10 thousand you automaticly go under investigation as of where you got this money how you received it what did you have to do to get this money did you know this person are you related to that personif you dont have a good reason as of why who then then the bank will revoke the transaction and will go as far as closing my bank account I know I tried this to help someone they closed my account at the toronto Dominion bank they sent me 42 thousand but they suspected something was not right so they rejected it then they closed my account they made me look like i was a scammer it was supposed to be for a charity not for me thats why there having a problem giving away their money
im still looking a way to make money but not with no nigerians nor africans nor iranians or iraqis its all a scam every bit of it theres no such thing as getting rich quick or making money on the internet even Canadians and Americans are crooks some of them of course so i give up trying to get rich easy way no way theres no easy way only way is to get a job a legal job this was only my taughts as i saw it thanks for your time
Sincerely Joe

I think we can see the Canadian educational system is second to none.

From: Tristan
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2004 11:36 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: urgent
Importance: High

sir/madame:

i have been searching for a philantropist until i read your article about this billionaire esenem ayele. By the way sir, i'm tristan xxxxxxxxx,i'm 19 years of age,the eldest of three in our family. i am from bansalan, davao del sur, pihlippines. 8 years ago our father a police officer here in our place left us,that's why my mother had to work hard to make a living,and i can't stand watching her, i really want to help her,but unfortunately i am partially disabled,the reason why nobody wants to hire me.as of now we are staying with my grandma,i haven't gone to college but i took up a 5 month vocational course about computer technology,after i graduated in high school.one of my aunt gave me a second hand computer cpu,that's why i'm looking for somebody to donate some parts needed to complete my computer set,so i can help my mom to earn a living,and i would be glad if there are any interested people who are kind hearted to share,in kind or in cash. i would be glad also if you can post this letter of mine.

I might have a contest for most pathetic life story one of these days.


Scambaiting

One of our readers responds to a Nigerian scammer. First, the scammers message...

Attention and Confidential.
Dear Smith,
I am Doctor Joseph Makudi a Doctor in Health. I am the Personal doctor to Mr.Mark Smith,a National of your Country, who has lived in Nigeria for the past fifty years, and whom here in after shall be referred to as my patient/client. In April 2000, my patient, was involved in a fatal car accident .

All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives, my patiant was one of then. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating most especially,the money left behind by my patiant before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged. Particularly, the Central Finance & Securities Limited, where the deceased had an account valued at about $20.9 million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the Next of kin, or have the account confiscated.

I seek your consent to present you as the Next of kin of the deceased my patient since you have the same last bearing name, so that the proceeds of this account valued at $20.9 million dollars can be paid to you, as my patient Next of Kin, and then we can share the amount on a mutual agreed percentage. All documents to back up your claim as the deceased Next of Kin, will be provided such as the death certificate and the Deposited account certificates.

All I require is your honest, confidentiality, cor-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a Health legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the medical law.

Please get in touch with me, to enable us discuss further about this transaction. Reply To my Private contact Email Address: (dr_josephmakudi@box.az) For us to furthermore toward this great
Acheived opportunity business.
Warmest Regards,

Dr.Joseph Makudi(D.M.H)

Our reader's reply...

From: Sam
Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2004 15:31:35 -0500
Subject: Re: FW: Confirmed Letter Next-of-Kin:- Smith

Dearest Doctor Joseph Makudi, Doctor in Health;

I am the Personal cousin to Mr. Mark Smith, a National of my Country, who has lived in Nigeria for the past fifty years, and whom here in after shall be referred to as my uncle/brother.

Our family has wondered where our beloved uncle/brother ended up after he left a distinguished career in the services of His Royal Highness's Elite Polish Submarine service. As an underwater torpedo repairman, he was often subjected to quite harsh conditions, which often drove him into fits of rage and interior decorating. Needless to say, it was the pressures of the job that drove him to live in Nigeria, where no one whole be able to poke fun at him.

It is an unfortunate turn of events that all occupants of the vehicle lost there lives, especially my uncle/brother. He never was the best when behind the wheel, as he was prone to pass out while counting pebbles alongside the road. Contacting me to assist you in repatriaing most especially, the money left behind by my uncle/brother before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged was a great idea. My uncle/brother was quite skilled at lodging huge deposits of things where he shouldn't. Quite a few times we had to rush him to see the local church elder to have the evil spirts unlodged from his body.

As far as dealing with Central Finance & Securites Limited, uncle/brother did not have any accounts. As the bookkeeper for my tribe, I am responsible for the keeping of accounts and such. He did however, have an account at the United Federation of Planets Savings and Loan in beautiful downtown Des Moines, IA. Last I checked, he carried a balance of $0.98 and was wanted in three states for check forgery.

You may not seek my consent for any matter, as the guidelines of my clan does not allow for strangers to represent family members without the direct written consent of Major League Baseball. This is a difficult thing to accomplish, due to the designated hitter rule.

As the matter of the $20.9 million dollars that my uncle/brother, hom here in after shall be referred to as "Fancy Pants", I would wager that most of that is either counterfiet or monopoly money. Fancy Pants was quite keen on passing off seemingly fake looking money to third-rate African banks. I would not be flabbergasted to find that Fancy Pants has stashed fake money in Chad, Sudan, and even Guinea-Bissau!!! He was quite the rouge!

I would prefer to either have the account confiscated at the mercy of the Central Finance & Securities Limted OR donate the corrupt devil money to an orphanage. This is the only way that our familial lines will be purified of Fancy Pants' wrong doing.If you require the need to contact me via electronic mail, you may do so at this electronic mail address.

Warmest Regards, Deepest Groveling, and Ruptured Spleen!

Smith

If any one else would like to respond forward me their humorous response to the scammers (especially if you can get them to reply), I could do a special edition of the BBspot Mailbag with them. Thanks.


Top 12 List

An addtion to the Top 11 Geek Bumper Stickers list...

From: Daniel W. Byrd
Sent: Thursday, July 15, 2004 12:33 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Geek Bumper Stickers

You forgot :

</CAR>


That's all for this week!

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