Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
It has been over five years since this story was posted, and still it's one of my favorites. A couple new BBelievers this week means it got posted on some Metallica site somewhere...
Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2005 8:47 PM
Hi, my names angel & I have a question about this article u wrote about metallicas new album "napster dowload this". Is that actually an album of new music? Like St. Anger was the last thing I ever heard and I've been looking all over the web! I'm a loyal fan and always will be. I live in Illinois and I fiqure that cali is the first hit with metallica news simply cause that's where there mostly at. Please if you have time can you possibly give me the latest news on them. It would so great if you can give me the help cause I've been searching everywhere! Any feed
back would be great. Please write back and reply from this letter.
I told him it wasn't a real album. He responded...
Sent: Tuesday, November 01, 2005 8:25 PM
To: Brian Briggs
Subject: Re: Metallica
Thanks 4 ur deep insight and information hollywood. All that time u took 2 write those five words! Must be a very important man.......
Does this mean I have a new nickname? Hollywood Brian! I love it!
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2005 2:24 PM
Subject: metallica album
on one of your sites, you've got an article about a metallica cd called "download this" how come i havent heard a single solitary thing about it.
You are a moron. How's that for an explanation?
One reader opines about all those Nigerian Billionaire BBelievers...
Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2005 6:36 PM
Subject: RE: BBeliever Redux
After reading the email you recieved from najkl1 and then your 'fictional' comment about it, I laughed one of those startlingly loud laugh's which seem to come from nowhere (hence 'startling' i suppose, never mind). One of those belly laughs that left me gasping for breath and despairing at the lack of intelligence quotient in a large percentage of the supposedly literate members of society.
Some of your more devout bbelievers must surely wonder why Nigeria is still classed as a third world / underdeveloped country when there are all these millionaires desperate to give away half their cash. Assuming of course that these morons ever wonder about anything more profound than where the nearest McDonalds might be. Also assuming that they actually know where Nigeria is,
"Virgil, I reckon we should drive on down to that there Ni-gee-ri-ay and see if we can't rustle us up one of them millionaires. Then we can marry him off to our sister Mary-Bernadette".
"Why Peter-Jacob-John-Louis-the-13th, that's the bestest durn idea you done ever had, go siphon me some gas, boy. I'm goin' to put ma britches on".
Now that I think about it, surely if we counted all the different 419 scam emails we would find that there are actually more millionaires in Nigeria than there are actual people! Maybe it's a secret tax haven that only multi-millionaires find out about.
Keep up the good word and my commiserations on missing out on the BBC publicity, I used to have such faith in my national broadcasting company for their incisive reportage and current affairs news *yeah right*. But then again, if the person responsible really was a legitimately curious BBC staffer and not some prankster then there is probably a very good reason that they were relegated to the world service. This will also serve as a very good reason as to why they wrote to you for more info.
One reader points out to a new camera that mimics a BBspot story we had on a video card that can see through clothes...
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:26 PM
Subject: Video card that can see through clothes.
On a similar line, a company has indeed invented a digital camera lens that can see through most textile surfaces.
http://www.kaya-optics.com/products/experiments.shtml You can see through things like ink too, of course.
Not quite as useful as the video card but I'm sure you can see the possibilities!
I hope that doesn't cut down on our BBelievers.
"Daddy, what does BB mean?"
One reader wonders what the heck the BB in BBspot means...
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2005 7:35 AM
Subject: BBspot meaning
Mr. Brian Briggs,
I’m writing this to thank you for such a wonderful, funny site that fills many hours of down time at work and gives me something to do at 4:00 am when my back hurts sooo much I can’t sleep. I really like the BBelievers section. It’s hard to believe that people who have figured out how to use a computer well enough to read your site and send an e-mail are that gullible and…well…kind of dumb really!
I do have a question. What the hell does BBspot mean? I don’t get it. I mean your site has been up way before bloging was popular so I know it doesn’t mean “Blog Boy spot”. Maybe you intended this to be a sporting site. You know…all about “Basket Ball spot” but you don’t really spend a lot of time talking sports (thank god) except for the occasional “Duke Sucks”! For a while I thought you might be referring to the tabloid star “Bat Boy spot” but you don’t really look anything like him. Could it be a reference to the little copper balls shot from air rifles? A site dedicated to and all about “B.B.’s spot”? It could be but I never see any updates on the US Olympic air rifle team. Maybe you intended to have a fan site for the blues master “BB King spot” and it turned out to be something else. Who knows?
Oh well…any who.
I do have few suggestions of possible new names for your site. One good one would be “reallyfunnystuff.com” because your site is just silly with the funny stuff. Or consider “satirearticlesmajormediaoutletsbelieve.com” since I know many of your satire articles have been picked up as fact by major news outlets. Another good one would be “Ilovegoogle.com” since you seem to be expressing that a lot lately. It seems Google does love you too but in a very manly way. Who knows, if you changed your name to “ilovegoogle.com” they would make your site the #1 hit for all queries. One last idea is to somehow use your name. You seem like a kind of smart, funny guy. A little shameless self-promotion never hurts. Something like “thebrianbriggsspot.com” or just “brianbriggsspot.com” or something like that! I like it…no, I love it!
You take some time and think it over. I’m off to register a few domain names. Once you decide on one let me know and I will be happy to sell it to you for a slight mark up. Again, I really enjoy the site and keep up the good work. Next to hamsterdance.com and zombo.com your site is the best hour killer I have ever been too.
If I had known the site would end up being so popular I would've come up with a better name. It's too late now to change it, so I'll just have to stick with the two random letters I selected.
That's all for this week!
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