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Friday, August 11 12:00 PM ET

TSA Requiring Travelers to Empty Bladders Before Boarding Planes

By Brian Briggs

Washington DC - Terrorists in London planned to use liquid bombs to destroy ten airplanes headed to the US from London's Heathrow airport. This has prompted the TSA to ban passengers from bringing on any sorts of liquids or gels including urine in passengers' bladders.

"All airline passengers must empty their bladders completely before boarding," said Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff in an announcement on Thursday. "Terrorists could drink contents of the bomb separately then put their streams together in the plane's bathroom to create an explosive. We just can't take that chance."

The new restrictions have caused long lines at airport bathrooms, but most passengers are taking the rules in stride. "I hate peeing on the airplane anyway so I'm happy to denigrate myself further if it keeps the airplane safe," said Harold Franklin from Indianapolis.

Ben Hawkins, a chemist from Albany flying to Cleveland said, "I don't think it's even possible for people to create a liquid bomb with urine. Either drinking the explosives would kill them or the body would break down the chemicals making them harmless." Other travelers at the gate overhearing his comments called him "unAmerican" and "a slave to science."

The new rules also restrict one person per bathroom on flights which will severely limit entrance into the Mile High Club.

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For now the TSA is only limiting urine in the passengers' body and not other liquids such as blood, saliva or breast milk, but those restrictions could be coming. "We have to explore all our options," said Secretary Chertoff. "If we have to suck the blood from all the passengers on every plane in America to keep them safe that's what we'll do."

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