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Wednesday, September 20 12:00 AM ET

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.


BBelievers

You know he's thought it before, but he's never said publicly that "Linux is the best OS ever." Just too close to the truth for this BBeliever though who wanted to make sure...

From: Antonio
Sent: Thursday, September 14, 2006 4:17 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: "Gates Says Linux Best OS Ever"

Are you telling us the truth? Come on... it's too hard to believe that this history is real. Don't know if thy're planing something but i don't imagine gates saying what you told on that text.

Sory for English mistakes, if they really existis.. I'm waiting for an aswaer about that.

I always tell the truth, well, sort of.

Some posters on the steam forums are worried about Microsoft's new WGA policy which we covered...

Uhhh, ok then. That's a little invasive if you ask me!

Wait until Service Pack 1 when they'll require anal probes. Now that's invasive.

This next guy is obviously not a BBeliever, but he pretends really well...

From: Tim
Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 6:37 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: "Microsoft requiring fingerprints for WGA"

Dear Sir,

I am writing to complain that your article on Vista WGA was uninformative and useless. The following features have been missed from your article, thus failing to convey the true advantages of upgrading to Windows Vista:

1) Fingerprints and DNA samples are not the only security measures Microsoft are to employ. The company will also be scanning toeprints, using facial recognition software, and anal probes to fully authenticate genuine users. Of course, this can only benefit users, as they can be safe in the knowledge that their copy of Vista will be genuine, and so be able to download extra DRM software measures from Windows Update.

2) If the user wants to play a DVD, listen to music, print something or view VDU output, Microsoft SecureSCAN (TM), built in by default to Windows Vista, will scan the room to ensure that only one lifeform is present. Once again, this ensures the user will be able to complete their task, safe in the knowledge that they won't be sued for copyright infringement.

3) If the user attempts to use Firefox, OpenOffice or Apache Web Server with Windows Vista, their biometric data will be forwarded to the FBI, since they are obviously commie spies and terrorists. Microsoft is championing freedom!

I hope you print a full clarification column on your website, to make sure potential Windows users are advised of all benefits of the Windows OS.

Yours Faithfully,

Some Microsoft AstroTurfer

See, I wasn't lying about the anal probes.


Miscellaneous

In last week's Mailbag a reader made a comment about Mace Windu making a Snakes on a Plane comment in Attack of the Clones. Only on BBspot would a reader write in to correct him...

From: Jason
Sent: Saturday, September 16, 2006 4:37 PM
To: Brian Briggs
Subject: recent mailbag

Mark is so obviously NOT a Star Wars Fan. There were no Ewoks in Attack of the Clones and the (uncompleted) Death Star didn't appear until the end of the Revenge of the Sith - only the plans to it were seen in AOTC. Yes, I know it's pathetic that I know that. Here's a better line - "I'm sick of these m***** f****n Sith on this m***** f****n capital planet"
in ROTS and he could've yelled it as he flew out the window. At least Mark didn't call it Star Trek.

You can see Jason featured in Weird Al's new video.

You may remember Jackrabbit as the creator of the Fuzzy Logic comic strip that was featured on BBspot. He doesn't have time to contribute any more, because of his addiction to World of Warcraft, but he still found time to send me a BBirthday greeting...

From: Jackrabbit
Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 3:28 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Happy Birthday!

Hey Brian!

So, the big Five-Oh.

Man, time really flies.

Hopefully this email finds you on the porch, in the sun, enjoying a room temperature glass of Metamucil and the morning paper. Enjoy days like this, Bri. Soon the cataracts will be so bad that days like this will just be one milky blur, and small print will be a constant consternation. Soon your own waste will be strapped to your leg to facilitate longer stretches before having to get up, which will only be trips to the medicine cabinet and back. Soon it will seem like "only yesterday" you were driving yourself safely to the market instead of through it. You'll look back and wonder where the time went, and also where your pants went.

But lets celebrate today, together, while you still remember who we all are.

Happy birthday, Old Guy.

Ah, I'm truly blessed to have such friends.


Weekly Limerick

The winner of this year's Geek Limerick contest has volunteered to write a weekly limerick for BBspot. I haven't decided where to put it yet, so this week's I'll put in the Mailbag...

From: Seth

Healthy eating is turned on its head
With E. Coli in spinach we're fed.
 When mom says, "Eat your greens,"
 Stick with broccoli and beans.
Alas, Popeye is already dead.


MySpace

A couple of readers have comments about my MySpace page...

From: Kestutis
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 11:53 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Just couldn't resist - your latest blog entry.

"I'm not sure if that's a lot or a little in the MySpace world, but I can die happy now." I see you've already came to terms with the "Big one". That's good news to some of the bidders!'

I need to watch what I say. I wouldn't want to encourage anybody.

From: Mr. Encyclopedia
Sent: Tuesday, September 12, 2006 11:04 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: 39 friends of BBspot?

Hey,
Just to give you a sense of scale, it seems that an inflatable sheep doll can manage to attract over three times the number of friends, as demonstrated at http://www.myspace.com/mutton_bone. Perhaps you need to consider adopting a similar strategy.

I feel so worthless now, thanks.


That's all for this week!

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