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Friday, November 17 12:00 AM ET

College Football Showdown
Michigan Vs. Ohio State

By Brian Briggs

On November 18, 2006 the first game of the century since the last one will take place in Columbus, Ohio. The #1 OSU Buckeyes versus #2 Michigan Wolverines. Now most experts do in-depth analysis of the teams to come up with a winner. However, their picks are no better than a monkey throwing darts at a random number generator. We think we can do better than that by comparing some other factors that have nothing to do with the game at all.

This is a completely unbiased analysis of the game. (Editor's Note: Brian is University of Michigan alumni with season tickets who lives two miles from the Big House. His wife is also an alum and works for U of M hospital. His kids could sing "Hail to the Victors" very early in life. His eyes are blue. He thinks Ohio stinks. )

Worst BMI

Which team has the player with the worst body mass index number?

OSUOhio State - Juan Garnier, Defensive Line, 6'4", 315 pounds, BMI=38.3

Michigan - Jason Kates, Defensive Tackle, 6'3", 352 pounds. BMI=44

Advantage - In this case lower is better, OSU.

Official Athletic Site

Michiganohiostatebuckeyes.cstv.com - A pop-up laden monstrosity run by CBS. They can't even run their own site?

mgoblue.com - Great URL, good content, with no pop-ups.

Advantage - Michigan

Annoying Fans

Ohio State - Insist on correcting people who say Ohio State University by saying "THE" Ohio State University.

Michigan - Insist on correcting people who say that Michigan's colors are Blue and Yellow by saying "It's Maize and Blue."

Advantage - Tie

Google Fights

The best two out of three wins...

The ohio state university graduates more rapists than anybody else - 79,700 results

The University of Michigan graduates more rapists than anybody else - 48,500 results

Winner: Michigan

The Ohio State University is destroying the ozone layer - 138,000

The University of Michigan is destroying the ozone layer - 134,000

Winner: Michigan

The Ohio State University loves America. - 1,240,000

MichiganThe University of Michigan loves America - 1,310,000

Winner: Michigan

Advantage: Michigan

Famous Alumni

Let's compare a random selection of notable alumni for each university's Wikipedia page.

MichiganOhio State - Judith Miller, Bruce Vilanch, R. L. Stine,

Michigan - Iggy Pop, James Earl Jones, Arthur Miller

Advantage: Michigan

Mascots

Ohio State - Brutus Buckeye, a person with a nut for a head.

MichiganMichigan - None

Sometimes nothing is better than something. This is one of those times...

Advantage: Michigan

Eight-Sided Die - Best of 11

Roll an eight-sided die eleven times.

Ohio State - 1, 2, 3, 4

OSUMichigan - 5, 6, 7, 8

Results: 4-8-8-3-5-1-5-3-6-1-3

Advantage: Ohio State

Conclusions

The University of Michigan wins the competition 4-2 with 1 tie thus they will win the game on Saturday by a score of 21-17.

See our other showdowns.

iPod Vs. Zune

Firefox Vs. Internet Explorer

Bush Vs. Kerry

Radeon X800 Vs. GeFORCE 6800

and

Windows 2000 Vs. Linux

More Tech News

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