BBspot


Archives
 
Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Recommended
Fark
Mental Floss
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
I-Mockery
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Monday, July 20 12:00 AM ET

Twitter Cures Cancer

By Brian Briggs

 

Maryland – A group of doctors at Johns Hopkins announced today a cure for several forms of cancer including lung, pancreatic and breast cancer, but more importantly several of the doctors reported to have heard of Twitter.

Lead research on the project, Dr. Martin Jones, said he had heard of Twitter and thinks his "brother has an account on there."

Here's an abridged transcript of the press conference:

Jones: Now I'll open it up to questions.
CNN: Sir, have you heard of Twitter:
Jones: Yes.
CNN: Would you say that it was instrumental in you finding a cure?
Jones: No, I've just heard of it.
ABC News: But you wouldn't say it stopped you from finding a cure would you?
Jones: No, I would not.
ABC News: So, by not hurting you could say it lead the way to the cure. Could you also confirm that the cure for cancer was discovered after Twitter was founded?
Jones Yes, it was.
MSNBC: Would Michael Jackson have been helped by this cure you've discovered?
Jones: I don't think Mr. Jackson died of cancer, so no.
MSNBC: If Jackson heard about this cure on Twitter would it have helped him? Say raised his spirits enough that he could've lived longer.
Jones: I have no idea.
MSNBC: So that's a yes.

After the conference many reporters predicted that Twitter co-founders Ev Williams and Biz Stone would be leading candidates not only for the Nobel Peace Prize but also the Nobel Prize in Medicine.

Related News

Microsoft Announces Office XP Will Cure Cancer

Cancer Researcher Turns Off News Whenever Cancer Talked About

Tobacco Company to Sue Lifelong Smoker

Ev Williams said, "When we started the company three years ago, I never imagined that it would cure cancer.  Bring about world peace, yes, cure cancer, no.  This is beyond my wildest dreams."

Williams said there were no limits to what Twitter can do now.  "I don't see why we won't have flying cars, time travel or faster-than-light space ships in the next few years."

Several market analysts now value Twitter at $4.5 trillion.

Story Options:
Related
Share
Print

 
 
Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Amazon Find the BBook

 

  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

Copyright 1999-2023 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.