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New Obama Plan Would Redistribute Computing Power

Washington D. C. - The Obama administration introduced a plan to Congress called the Computer Resource Allocation Plan, which would track utilization of computing power by citizens then reallocate that computing power based on needs.

Computer Resource Allocation PoliceObama talked about the plan today at a White House press conference. "If America wants to stay competitive in the global marketplace, its citizens must have access to proper technology. Our numbers show that nearly 1 million children do not have the computing power they need. Over 25 million laptop and desktop computers are severely underutilized."

As an example a grandmother in Peoria has an Intel i7 system with 8GB of memory, but only uses it to email and play sudoku on Miniclip. However, a 39-year-old writer in Ann Arbor, Michigan has an ancient desktop system, which frequently hits 100% on CPU utilization. Under the Obama plan the grandmother's computer would be swapped for the writer's computer by the Computer Resource Allocation Police force headed by Obama's technology czar.

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Obama Proposes Saving Throws, Death Master in Health Care Plans
Washington D. C. - Facing opposition on both sides of the aisle, President Obama proposed new measures for his health care plan to court the geek population's support for the issue.
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Obama Exploring Matrix-like Economic and Energy Solution
Washington D.C. Inspired by the Matrix trilogy of movies, Barack Obama announced in a Monday press conference a new initiative that would tackle both the current economic crisis and energy problems facing the United States.
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Previously on New Originals
BBarack Thoughts
How Dumb Are You?
Palin Plan Includes Selling Banks on eBay
New Daylight Savings Plan Would Skip Sunday, Add Wednesday
What the World Needs Now
Road Rage
Babies Banned from Flying
NSA Announces New Dating Service
Welcome to the Occupation
Cartoon Violence
Threat of Snow
Good Dick Hunting
Getting Ahead
Smart Dog
Christian Sex Life
Bush Calls for End of Sports Welfare
Bomber Found
You Dropped the Bomb on Me
White House Releases "Iraq War 2.0" Patch
Bush Proposes Faith-Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Justice for Sale
Miers Face Lift
Misunderestimate
Americans Finally Uncover Saddam's Hidden WMVs
Cost of Covering Rita Exceeds Cost of Actual Damage
Millions of Displaced Texans Outraged at Needless Evacuation
Natural Disaster
Terrorism Fueled by Caffeine
Senate Reaches Compromise on Gay Flag Burning Ban Amendment
Hillary Clinton Rallies to Outlaw Daydreaming
 
 

   
   
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