Washington D.C. - The Bush administration announced today its plans
to outsource important policy directives to the Kingdom of Saudi
Spokesman Scott McLellan outlined the new direction in a press
conference this morning. "We feel that Saudi Arabia represents
a prime example of a corrupt, totalitarian regime that abuses the
rights of its citizens. We've been going steadily in this direction
since 2001, but as our country moves farther and farther away from
a representative democracy, we're getting into uncharted waters,
and the President felt that we need to bring in the experts on
repression, cronyism, hypocrisy, and torture."
McLellan also announced that President Bush would be taking a
tour of Saudi prisons to get a better understanding of Saudi torture
methods, widely believed to be the most advanced in the world. "Another
cool thing they have over there is religious police, who enforce
their harsh and repressive religious doctrine," continued
McLellan. "We could really learn a lot from that."
The move has sparked widespread criticism from the Left, many
of whom expressed dismay at the possibility of their own impending
imprisonment. Some figures in the Republican Party have been critical
as well. Whitehouse strategist Karl Rove was reported as saying, "When
the House of Bush is installed as a monarchy, there will be no
more elections to steal. I'll be out of a job!"
Saudi Embassy spokesman Nail Al-Jubeir hailed the move as the
culmination of a long partnership between the two countries. "We've
had our differences in the past, but it's good to see the U.S.
finally coming around to our point of view." He went on to
say that in return for the policy advice being sought by the US,
Saudi Arabia would seek help from the American government in the
areas of copyright legislation and obesity.
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