Washington D.C. - U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has long
been a lightning rod for criticism of the Bush administration, but
of a recent internal document has brought the controversy surrounding
him to a new level. The document contains candid, even graphic, depictions
of the hardships that some coalition troops face on the ground in Iraq.
The picture isn't pretty.
The document appears to be a fictional account of a young, fresh-faced
Iowan G.I. named Billy, and his sexual misadventures in occupied
Iraq. "This is a truly, uh, unique look at the Iraq situation," said
blushing defense analyst Thomas Franklin. "I mean, I, uh,
well, I've never, ah, ahem."
Top administration officials have rushed to defend Rumsfeld. "Rummy
is so valuable to the administration precisely because of his unconventional
thinking and active imagination," commented Vice President
Dick Cheney. "If him writing gay porn will help fight terrorism,
then I'm all for it. He's trying to galvanize the Defense Department
with a little 'shock and awe' right here at home."
Leading Democratic presidential candidates have leaped on the
memo, using it as a platform to attack administration policy. In
a recent speech in Laconia, NH, Howard Dean lambasted the administration. "Clearly,
this is proof the Bush administration acted rashly, without thought
for the safety of our troops rear ends."
Wesley Clark was a bit more reserved and vague in his criticism. "Let
me tell you, I've been through many conflicts, from Vietnam to
Kosovo, and ain't no man going that route with me."
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