New ATI Card Pushes Limits of ASCII Gaming
Markham, ON - In a joint announcement today the Nethack Devteam announced a new version of the popular text based game, version 3.4.1, but the big announcement came from ATI…
Overclocked Jesus Performs Miracles Faster
Chicago, IL - A group of bored students in Chicago overclocked Jesus so that he now performs miracles nearly twice as fast as before. Goran Radovich and Trey Gafney managed…
Gates Says Linux Best OS Ever
At a hastily convened press conference Bill Gates announced that he personally thinks that "Linux is the best OS ever." He added, "Mundie and Ballmer are idiots. Their talk about how open source…
Test Shows 99.99% of High School Seniors Can’t Read Perl
San Francisco, CA - Recent results from the standardized Perl Fluency Test showed that 99.99% of US high school seniors can't read Perl. This disturbing statistic shows that American students are painfully…
Office Jesus Will Work Miracles for Food
Ann Arbor, MI - The recent downturn in the economy has caused many corporations to rationalize their employees. Even Office Jesus has been unable to escape the ax. Once the VP…
Linux Developer Gets Laid
Philadelphia, PA - In news that is sure to excite the Linux community, long time Linux developer Todd Stanton got laid. "I still have trouble believing it myself," said Todd. I was doing…
Hour Lost Explaining Computer Terms to Mom
Austin, TX - Josh Granger lost an hour of his life yesterday as he tried to explain the difference between memory and hard drive space to his mother Cynthia Granger. …
Apple Unveils New Macs To Satisfy Mac “Lovers”
New York - At the MacWorld Expo today, Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, unveiled the new dMac and vMac to satisfy the needs of Mac "lovers" everywhere. "Yet again, Apple…
Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP. "A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as…
Metallica’s New Album is Napster-Proof
Los Angeles, CA - Metallica released their long awaited "Download This" CD today, and the band declared it Napster-proof. The 74 minute CD contains one 55 minute song, "Napster Begone"…