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Wednesday, June 4 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.

Confused

This e-mail has all the earmarks of being a "believer" message with the bad spelling, the lack of coherency and the AOL e-mail account, but this person appears to be really, really confused...

From: xxxxxx@aol.com
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2003 6:49 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: (no subject)

Did you make them, or do they get sent in to you? Well the Jar Jar anf LOTR was awesome! If it's possible could you send some to me. My name is Chel by the way, and of course the comp. already gave my address. Thanks

Send some to you? What the fuck are you talking about?

Wrong!

Now we find out what CmdrTaco really thinks of BBspot...

From: Chris
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 5:11 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: BBSpot praise


...Just wanted to inform you of a couple things,

I showed a Internet friend of mine a few of the BBspot classic articles and this is what she said:

"28.05 13:47 this is like the onion, but funny."

Also,

When I was at Linux World in 2001 (San Francisco) I talked a friend of mine into asking CmdrTaco a question. He asked "What do you think about BBspot." He had a pause, a funny look on his face, and then he said, "BBspot thinks they are funnier than they really are, you should go check out the onion." I totally disagree. and My Internet friend disagrees as well :) The whole BBspot vs. Slashdot thing really makes me laugh. I really love annoying people--and I think the slashdot story generator annoyed cmdrtaco really good!!!!

Keep it up, The Internet needs you :)

I hope Matrix Revolutions makes things as clear as this message does. The Onion? Puh-lease.

Which OS is the Matrix?

This week we received several arguments and counter-arguments on our previous two weeks' debate about which OS the matrix is running. I have a feeling this might go on for a long time.

First, a rebuttal from the original poster who said the matrix was running a Microsoft OS...

From: scott
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 5:21 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Rebuttal *giggle*


1.- The Matrix doesn't have to reboot every time somebody goes in it or leaves it

A valid point, however, when you get into trouble in the matrix you have to exit completely then go back in. Also don't forget the next trilogy of sequels "The Matrix: Reformatted", "The Matrix: Restored" and "The Matrix: Rebooted

2.- I never seen the "blue screen of death" (maybe it will be the villain on the 3rd part)"

BSODs are usually caused by overflow errors causing memory to be overwritten and we all know that Neo had that fixed after Johnny Mnemonic.

3.- If the agent software was created with by Microsoft.. then where is the little clip assistant for help??

Clippy became quite bitter after being let go with the release of OfficeXP in 2005. He hit the white-out bottle hard and fell in with a bad crowd (some say permanent markers, others say hi-liters and yet others say glu-sticks were to blame). By 2011 he was frequently found tapping on the windows of local photocopying establishments begging for charity. This behaviour only resulted in the patrons on the opposite side of the pane becoming annoyed with Clippy and closing the window. Eventually his lifestyle caught up with him and he met an unfortunate end. Apparently he was bent back forth so many times that he snapped. He was subsequently used in conjunction with a rubber band to torment an overweight 5th grader with glasses and a weak bladder. Hence, his no-show in the movie.

4.- We can see Keanu Reeves flying perfectly in the movie and you better than everybody know that the Windows XP Flight Feature is Flawed

This is a common mistake. There actually was no flight feature in WindowsXP. The sudden launching of users into the air without warning was actually attributed to the fact that MS operating systems blow.

Touché!

And another point by point rebuttal...

From: Phillip
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 10:23 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: The raging Matrix OS debate

OK, so, I swore I would never do this, but I have to. I feel the last
reader's points about why the Matrix doesn't run on Windows are,
mostly, invalid. So, here's my counter-arguments:

1.- The Matrix doesn't have to reboot every time somebody goes in it or leaves it

Most of the time, neither does Windows. However, you'll notice that each time a new person goes into or comes out of the Matrix, it gets harder and harder to use the Matrix, until it gets to the point where you risk getting killed.

2.- I never seen the "blue screen of death" (maybe it will be the villain on the 3rd part)

Yeah, so, he's got me on this one. I personally think a BSOD would be the most terrifying thing many of us ex-Windows (and even those current Windows!) users could see in a theatre. Can you imagine a room full of geeks, twitching in fear and whimpering?

3.- If the agent software was created with by Microsoft.. Then where is the little clip assistant for help??

This is something a lot of people don't get. The Agent != Clippy. Agent is MS's term for their speech-enabled little cartoon characters. Clippy is the Help Assistant. (Besides, we all know that Clippy is really the Oracle - she turns up when you want her, but my God, is her advice useless.)

4.- We can see Keanu Reeves flying perfectly in the movie and you better than everybody know that the Windows XP Flight Feature is Flawed

Except he's not really flying, is he? He just thinks he is. If he
were using the Flight feature, he'd start levitating inside the
Nebuchadnezzar, where at least he'd be safe.

And another counter-counter-argument...

From: Valahn
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 12:57 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: the matrix IS a microsoft OS

In response to an email from the bbspot mailbag posted earlier today. I would like to say that i believe the matrix IS a Microsoft OS. In fact i also believe it was created using the idea of active death technology stolen from bbspot.

Having succeeded in putting a computer in every home, Bill Gates decided he wanted to put every human in a computer (it was the next logical step) and so Windows VR featuring active death technology was released. Pretty much everyone bought it because hey lets face it what choice did they have? Besides it was really cool. The first version was pretty good lets call it windows VR 3.1, in fact it was the perfect human world but then they released several new versions until they got to the pitiful, hacker friendly hell hole that neo lives in, lets call it windows VR XP but by this time everyone was too defendant on the machine to get out.

Zion, being the last human city actual consists of the descendants of Linux users and programmers who refused to buy windows VR and like to live deep in the ground where the sky cant hurt them. The oracle is an advanced version of the paperclip as we can see from her misleading, useless advise and the blue screen of death has been replaced by agent possession (when an agent borrows your body, i imagine it is a similar feeling). Also i believe monkeys can talk and there are Goblins living under the stairs, thought you might want to know.

This next one contains a couple of spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie yet then you have been warned...

From: Juan
Sent: Friday, May 30, 2003 12:43 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Congrats and the Matrix

I have to say, as the first guy who spoke on this subject did, that The Matrix either runs on Windows or is a Windows analogy itself. Here are my reasons, considering these are not the ONLY reasons, since someone else already gave us 5 reasons:

1) (This one is a spoiler, if you haven't seen the movie) Windows and The Matrix both had previous versions (Matrix is in it's sixth version, I think. Windows? Well 3.1, 3.11, 95, NT, 98, 2000, ME, XP...), and they STILL have errors.

2) The common Windows user believes the OS is the best (or only) OS they can use (at least here in Venezuela). The common Matrix user (meaning the people plugged to the Matrix without knowing they're there) believes the life they're living is the only (or best) life they can live.

3) (spoiler) When Neo met the creator of The Matrix, he went out of that room hating his guts and wanting to kill him. I'm sure that, if he ever gets to meet the creator of Windows, he'll hate his guts as well, although he'll most likely kill him before going out of the room.

But the most important reason (to me, that is), because I hate Windows, and I would sure as hell hate The Matrix if it existed. (Or does it?)

The next message poses some different alternatives and comes to an alternate conclusion...

From: xxxxxx@hotmail.com
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 10:28 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: More Matrix talk

What OS is the Matrix? Continued, yet again.

I would say Windows because:
1. It crashes over nothing. It's going to crash and destroy everything just because Neo's going back in, which he's done hundreds of times without problems.
2. Everybody who understands it tries to destroy it, while most people just go on blindly using it.
3. Agent Smith is just like Clippy; you just can't get rid of the damn guy.
4. The best way to end your session is to "unplug".

But I would also say Linux because:
1. It's open source. In fact they just sit and watch the source flow down the screen.
2. It's constantly under development. It's interactive and everyone changes it.

Then again, it could be UNIX because:
1. Looked to me like Trinity knocked out security at that building using some kind of UNIX.
2. Only the One has root, everybody else is stuck in a system with rules.

But since it could be any of these three, it must be some kind of generic operating system. Some kind of operating system without anything unique, the kind of OS that has no merits except those it copied from others. That means...

THE MATRIX IS A MAC.

And finally someone theorizes what OS the Matrix movies are...

From: Adam
Sent: Saturday, May 31, 2003 9:18 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: which OS is the Matrix?

Oh, I just had to weigh in on this debate...it's obvious which OS the Matrix *movies* are - MacOS X! Think about it - they're both made by suckering huge amounts of money out of fools in order to make something that looks really shiny...:)

I have a feeling I'm going to be getting a few more theories next week. Stay tuned.

That's all for this week!

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