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Baghdad, Iraq - The American Bar Association sent a delegation
of attorneys to Iraq to address the critical lawsuit shortage.
Paul Bremer, the top US civilian administrator in Iraq, has expressed
concern that “Iraq cannot achieve democracy without the high-level
of litigiousness we enjoy in America.”
According to ABA delegation leader Ted Viscous, “In many ways
Iraq is a primitive society. Conflicts are resolved through discussion
and negotiation, rather than litigation. This is something we aim
to fix.”
The group will start in Baghdad, where a special mobile unit will
follow ambulances through city streets in search of clients. The
team also plans to represent Saddam’s hairdresser in libel
suits against several newspapers. Other clients include a group
of painters and sculptors who are suing the provisional Iraqi government
for taking their jobs.
“We destroyed the Saddam government without consideration
of the artists whose livelihood depended on putting Saddam’s
likeness on posters and statues,” said Viscous. “They
are more than willing to shift from Saddam to President Bush if given
a chance.”
The ABA will also be examining reports from Tikrit that American
bombing caused several cases of collateral hot coffee spillage.
As a gesture of goodwill towards the Iraqi people, American lawyers
will be using a specially modified fee structure. “Unlike
in the U.S.,” said Viscous,”We will not be charging
Iraqis for the time we spend seducing junior partners, plotting
against rivals, or our frequent all-night drinking binges. This
is a crisis, and we must be willing to make sacrifices.”
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