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Wednesday, December 9 12:00 AM ET

eReader Showdown:
Kindle vs. Nook

By Brian Briggs follow me @ twitter.com/briggsb

Bookmark and Share

Other tech sites will bore you with in-depth "technical details" and performance specs in their product analysis.  As evidenced by our frequent fake news stories, we're not concerned with facts (at least not real ones), but to be a respectable geek (fake) news site, we do have to do some product comparisons. This time it's for electronic "books."

Once again, manufacturers don't consider us a legitimate review site, and didn't send us review units. I'll have to rely on other factors to compare the Kindle from Amazon and the Nook from Barnes and Noble....

Names

Barnes and Noble NookKindle - I don't know about you, but this name makes me think about book burning. I guess Amazon wants us all to burn our paper books and read everything on our Kindle. Great strategy for them, not so great for civilization.

Nook - This is a pleasant place where you site down to read a book. It also rhymes with "book," "look" and "cook." Does not remind me of Nazi Germany like the Kindle.

Advantage - Nook

Domain Names

kindle.com - Redirects to the product page for the Kindle.

nook.com - Redirects to the product page for the Nook.

Advantage - Tie

Amazon Kindle 2What Would Jesus Do?

Kindle -The lack of electricity, 3G coverage and the incomprehensible English language would make this device useless for Jesus. He would turn it into wine.

Nook - The lack of electricity, 3G coverage and the incomprehensible English language would make this device useless for Jesus. He would turn it into bread.

Advantage - Kindle

Google Fights

The best two out of three wins...

The Amazon Kindle took part in book burnings in Nazi Germany - 5,110 results

The Barnes and Noble Nook took part in book burnings in Nazi Germany - 5,870 results

Winner: Kindle

The Amazon Kindle loves Lady Gaga and Britney Spears - 232,000,000 results

The Barnes and Noble Nook loves Lady Gaga and Britney Spears - 232,000,00 results

Winner: Equally Disappointing

Amazon Kindle 2The Amazon Kindle can be used to perform an emergency
appendectomy - 4,190

The Barnes and Noble Nook can be used to perform an emergency appendectomy - 3,640 results

Winner: Kindle

Advantage: Kindle

Conspiracy Theory

Barnes and Noble NookKindle - Jeff Bezos, an admitted Free Mason, is using profits from the Kindle to construct an underwater empire where the Free Masons will continue to orchestrate world events, and bake delicious muffins.

Nook - The color screen on the Nook emits mind-controlling frequencies, which when activated will make everyone believe that the CIA has implanted listening devices in our teeth, and impel us to bake delicious muffins.

Advantage: Nook

Amazon Kindle 2Best Anagrams

Amazon Kindle - Animal Zonked, Koala Mind Zen, A Laid Zen Monk,

Nook eReader - Aeon Dork Ere, Near Odor Eek, Ear Donor Eek

Advantage: Kindle

Virtual Coin Flip - Best of 11

Barnes and Noble NookThe virtual coin flipper was used at random.org. I chose the Canadian $2 Toonie for its rounded industrial design:

Kindle - Heads

Nook - Tails

Results: H-H-T-T-T-H-T-T-T-T-H

Advantage: Nook

Conclusions

Both electric books performed well in the competition. Each won 3 contests, and there was one tie. According to the rules, the winner therefore is the device with the most vowels in its name. Since this also results in a tie, the rules stipulate that Amazon and Barnes and Noble must send one of these devices to BBspot for further examination. Address available upon request.


 

See our other showdowns.

Ubuntu Vs. Windows Vista

iPod Vs. Zune - Firefox Vs. Internet Explorer - Bush Vs. Kerry

Radeon X800 Vs. GeFORCE 6800 - Windows 2000 Vs. Linux

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