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Washington D.C. - The White House would neither confirm nor deny
rumors that a war with North Korea has been tentatively scheduled
for next summer.
“Although if there absolutely HAS to be a war, that would
be a pretty choice time for it.” says GOP spokesman Bob Sharper. “Wars
tend to boost approval ratings, so it would definitely give a boost
not only to the President’s campaign, but to the campaigns
of Republicans all across the board.”
FoxNews Executive Paul Prothas agreed. “Summer is an ideal
time for wars, we usually lose viewers to things like outdoor activites
and vacations. When there is a war, it is your patriotic duty to
watch it for at least five hours a day. We have ways of tracking
that, you know…”
The rumor started when one of President Bush’s coloring books
was stolen by an overzealous White House tourist. After the first
few pages of failed attempts to stay inside the lines, one page
revealed detailed plans for manipulating the North Korea situation
for political gains.
An anonymous source inside the White House dismissed the claim
as ‘ludicrous.’ “This is a man who thinks a television
has magic sprits inside of it. Do you really think he’s capable
of producing a detailed strategy like that?”
Military Analyst Fred Gaskar thinks differently. “Listen,
we can’t attack them now. There is still too much doubt on
whether North Korea actually HAS these weapons. We don’t want
another Iraq fiasco. By waiting until next summer, they will have
had enough time to make plenty of weapons, and hopefully sell some
to Iran.”
Sharper chimed in, “Plus, any missiles that hit the US are
likely to strike in some politically insignificant place like California.
Any deaths there pretty much count as votes for Bush.”
Prothas agreed. “The best thing we can hope for is at least
a few missiles hitting our country, or at least one of our bases
overseas. The problem with the last few wars was a lack of American
casualties. People aren’t going to care very much until some
of our own people are dying, I mean, look at Israel and Palestine…bombings
there aren’t even front SECTION news, let alone front page.”
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