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Wednesday, August 27 2:00 PM EDT

War with North Korea
Scheduled for Next Summer

By Jordan Baugher

Washington D.C. - The White House would neither confirm nor deny rumors that a war with North Korea has been tentatively scheduled for next summer.

“Although if there absolutely HAS to be a war, that would be a pretty choice time for it.” says GOP spokesman Bob Sharper. “Wars tend to boost approval ratings, so it would definitely give a boost not only to the President’s campaign, but to the campaigns of Republicans all across the board.”

FoxNews Executive Paul Prothas agreed. “Summer is an ideal time for wars, we usually lose viewers to things like outdoor activites and vacations. When there is a war, it is your patriotic duty to watch it for at least five hours a day. We have ways of tracking that, you know…”

The rumor started when one of President Bush’s coloring books was stolen by an overzealous White House tourist. After the first few pages of failed attempts to stay inside the lines, one page revealed detailed plans for manipulating the North Korea situation for political gains.

An anonymous source inside the White House dismissed the claim as ‘ludicrous.’ “This is a man who thinks a television has magic sprits inside of it. Do you really think he’s capable of producing a detailed strategy like that?”

Military Analyst Fred Gaskar thinks differently. “Listen, we can’t attack them now. There is still too much doubt on whether North Korea actually HAS these weapons. We don’t want another Iraq fiasco. By waiting until next summer, they will have had enough time to make plenty of weapons, and hopefully sell some to Iran.”

Sharper chimed in, “Plus, any missiles that hit the US are likely to strike in some politically insignificant place like California. Any deaths there pretty much count as votes for Bush.”

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Prothas agreed. “The best thing we can hope for is at least a few missiles hitting our country, or at least one of our bases overseas. The problem with the last few wars was a lack of American casualties. People aren’t going to care very much until some of our own people are dying, I mean, look at Israel and Palestine…bombings there aren’t even front SECTION news, let alone front page.”

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