Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
Snakes in a Mailbag
Last week, I made a comment about taking a comment with a "grain of high-potency Alberta reefer." It was supposed to just be a play on a "grain of salt," but of course this is BBspot so it elicited some email...
From: Arthur Dent
Sent: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 3:11 PM
Subject: Snakes in a Mailbag: (grain as a unit of measurement)
Regarding your "Snakes in a Mailbag" comment, you should know that a grain is: "equal to 1/480 troy ounce, or exactly 64.798 91 milligrams [and] was the legal foundation of traditional English weight systems" or, when used by jewelers, "exactly 50 milligrams, or approximately 0.7716 troy grain" or "a traditional French unit of weight equal to 53.115 milligrams."
The point is that the Alberta cash crop to which you reefer must have an exceptionally high potency, eh.
Only on BBspot folks, only on BBspot.
Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 1:15 AM
Subject: Canadian reefer
In your mailbag, you wrote:
"You should all know that Cam is Canadian, so you have to take his review with a grain of high-potency Alberta reefer."
Everybody knows the good stuff grows in BC, not Alberta. That said, no amount of pot will make me want to go see Snakes on a Plane. It's a movie about snakes. On a plane. wooo... scary. And so easy to suspend your disbelief. I doubt anything could save that one from the crapper.
I'm not much of an expert on pot, so forgive me for not knowing. However, being a writer of satire, I should've realized that "British Columbian reefer" was a much better joke anyway.
It looks like I'll just have to show my BBspot business card at the airport from now on to breeze through security...
Sent: Tuesday, August 29, 2006 1:34 AM
Subject: Your way too funny.
I've been reading BBspot for about a year and a half, on my Pocket PC, through Avantgo. It's rare that I use my PC to read anything on the "Net." I'd rather just copy it and read it at work on my PPC. This brings me to my reason for writing this. One of my jobs is working for TSA; the other is computer and Bass player for a local band (I'm a little busy.) I've always liked BBspot's work like the computer jokes, Microsoft jokes, trailers reviews, and most of all The Top 11 Lists. You guys keep me laughing at work, you know the TSA job.
Since your story on "TSA Requiring Travelers to Empty Bladders Before Boarding Planes" and "Babies Banned from Flying." I've been laughing at work so much that people were wondering what the matter with me is. So I took it upon myself to posts them up in the break room as if they were posted up by management. Needless to say a few of my co-workers fell for it, more the bladder thing. The reason why I say a few is because they already know me. Today I took a chance and I've been catching up on your website reading different things, like BBloopers"Dead Baby Joke" totally cool.
I just read the new "Top 11 List" and I almost pissed my pants from laughing so much, that I had to finally write in and say something. First, the Exploding batteries (from my computer background) would have been funny on it's own, but throwing in the TSA lines were just HISTORICAL!!!!!!!! Needless to say I'll be posting this one at work on Thursday.
If you're wondering how my boss took the last two stories, my management is still laughing about it too. You won't have to worry about being put on any "NO-FLYING LIST" from us. We're the only TSA crew that's cool enough to get the jokes and laugh at ourselves.
I'll be reading more often.
I might not get put on any no-fly lists, but I bet I'm on a list somewhere. That little trip I took, my interview with the NSA, and my friendly opinions about the current government make me a prime candidate.
It looks like that other comedians were inspired by the Crank movie trailer which we reviewed last week...
Sent: Monday, August 28, 2006 10:42 AM
Subject: Your Crank Trailer Review
Your trailer review was really cool. I think you'll enjoy this comic strip:
The winner of this year's Geek Limerick contest has volunteered to write a weekly limerick for BBspot. I haven't decided where to put it yet, so this week's I'll put in the Mailbag...
With the Google-eBay pact completed,
Their alliance will reign undefeated.
Your PayPal information
Will feed the formation
Of cookies that won't be deleted.
The Big One
I should stop referring to my penchant for self-injury. Too many people are hoping for the "big one" to happen. Next thing I know, BBspotters will be stopping by offering "assistance" in creating my next injury...
Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 11:24 AM
Subject: The 40-hour Workweek
Don't forget to add in any time you spend on home improvement, especially when using any tools or sharp objects (I guess housecleaning fits into that category, as I seem to remember an incident with a wastebasket). You can count it as research for all the personal injury stories that are leading to the "big one" that we are all waiting for.
So much pressure! So much pressure will stop the bleeding.
That's all for this week!
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