Washington D.C. – In a stunning display of retaliation, Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene has proposed the “Freedom From Woke Chargers Act” that would require all telephone chargers to block green energy sources from entering your phones, in response to the EU’s recent mandate that Apple must use USB C ports on their phones.
“The EU can’t tell us what kind of charger to use on our phones,” Rep. Greene stated in a press conference. “We’re Americans, and we’re going to keep using our good old-fashioned chargers that are powered by coal, oil, and natural gas.”
The bill would require phone chargers to be equipped with a “special chip” that would detect any attempt to charge your phone using green energy sources like solar power, wind power, or hydroelectric power.
Critics of the bill have been quick to point out the absurdity of trying to block green energy from entering your phone and have accused Rep. Greene of pandering to big oil and gas companies. Apple CEO, Tim Cook, said “I don’t even know how we could build something like that. A charger has no way of telling where the electricity is coming from. It’s just not possible.”
Rep. Greene answered Cook by saying it would be “easy as obviously you just have to use a color filter to get rid of the green-colored energy. Duh!”
She continued, “This is about protecting our sovereignty as a nation. We can’t let foreign governments dictate what kind of charger we use on our phones. We need to stand up for ourselves and our way of life.”
When asked how blocking green energy sources from entering our phones would help maintain our charger sovereignty, Rep. Greene cited concerns about the potential for green energy to harm the American economy.
“If we start using green energy to charge our phones, what’s next? Green energy-powered cars? Green energy-powered homes? Green energy-powered AR15s?” she exclaimed. “We need to stick with what works, and that’s good old-fashioned fossil fuels.”
James Schapiro contributed to this story.