BBspot Classic: Microsoft Promises Continued Aggressive Rebranding of Search Engine

BBspot Classic: Microsoft Promises Continued Aggressive Rebranding of Search Engine

This story originally posted June 11, 2009

Redmond, WA – At a press conference today Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said the company would to continue its aggressive rebranding of its search products over the coming years.

“It started with MSN Search, then Live and now Bing, but we’re not stopping there,” said Ballmer.

With the yank of a pull cord, Ballmer unveiled the Microsoft’s road map for search over the next five years. Next year, Bing will be renamed Boop. In 2011, Boop will give way to Searchellia and then in 2013 Bing Classic will carry the Microsoft search flag.

Ballmer said the company hopes to eventually confuse consumers enough that they’ll “forget how to get to Google.”

He refused to explain exactly how that would work, but assured reporters that it was possible before chasing them out of the room with the half-rotten carcass of a raccoon.

“This road map isn’t set in stone,” said Ballmer. “We’ve acquired thousands of domain names, which we can implement at any time. Don’t be surprised if there are several Microsoft search brands being pushed concurrently, or if LiveXP7 jumps between Boop and Searchellia. We’re that commited to finding a winner.”

Many Microsoft marketing consultants think that aggressive rebranding is the only way for Microsoft to gain a competitive advantage over the market-dominating Google. “Eventually they’ll have to come up with something that people like, but until then we’ll collect a lot of consulting fees,” said Michael Peacock of Accenture.

In his weekly radio address broadcast from the gold-plated zeppelin hovering over Google headquarters in Mountain View, CEO Eric Schmidt said, “Muwa. Muwaha. Muwahaha.”

Search engine analyst Roger Hu of said, “It’s an interesting strategy that I doubt anyone will notice, but I give them +3 crazy points for trying.”

Microsoft shares were down on the news.

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