Geek Horoscopes

Geek Horoscopes

Brought to you by an angry dungeon master

Mar 21 – Apr 19
I didn’t spend three hours on this horoscope just for you to bypass it with a polymorph spell!

Apr 20 – May 20
May your encounters this week be filled with nat 1 charisma rolls you ungrateful bastard.

May 21 – June 21
You can multiclass your life as a Bard-Wizard-Fighter-Monk if you want to, but you’ll never be making a saving throw.

June 22 – July 22
Would it be so hard for you to roleplay just ONE TIME this week. I know you have social anxiety, but you’re among friends and IT”S PART OF THE GAME!

July 23 – Aug 22
You can try to rules lawyer your way out a sticky situation this week, but I don’t think the judge is going to interpret it with the rule of cool.

Aug 23 – Sep 22
Might I suggest not splitting up the party yet again this week. You never seem to learn.
Sep 23 – Oct 23
No, you shouldn’t try to seduce everyone you meet this week. It never works out, does it?

Oct 24 – Nov 21
Paying attention to what’s going on around you will be key this week, so maybe put away your phone for once!

Nov 22 – Dec 21
I know you’ve been burned before, but I swear it’s just a plain, unlocked wooden door.

Dec 22 – Jan 19
Taking an eight-hour nap after every 2 minute encounter is no way to go through life.

Jan 20 – Feb 18
I don’t know what I would do in your situation. It’s not my character! Maybe if you stopped chit-chatting with Steve when it wasn’t your turn you’d have idea.

Feb 19 – Mar 20
You’re going to have a great week, because I’m the dungeon master, that’s why.

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