San Jose, CA – A Silicon Valley startup has discovered the long sought after philosopher’s stone of perpetual growth and profitability. Their secret? An ever-increasing accumulation of technical debt.
TechDoIt, a company founded just two years ago, has managed to push out an astonishing 3,000 features, becoming the envy of its competitors. However, inside sources reveal that nearly 99% of these features are barely functioning due to a catastrophic level of accrued technical debt.
“It’s pretty revolutionary,” explains Robert Guerrero, CTO of the company, speaking from their new headquarters. “Every time we add a new feature without fixing bugs or optimizing the existing code, we’re actually investing in our company’s future.”
“We like to think of our technical debt as our company’s savings account,” said Sarah James, TechDoIt’s CFO. “The more bugs we collect, the bigger our interest, and therefore the greater our investment in the future.”
Industry critics have questioned this unorthodox approach. “Isn’t technical debt a bad thing?” asked Prof. Barry Codeclean, distinguished Computer Science professor at MIT. “Won’t this inevitably lead to a software crisis?”
TechDoIt remains unfazed. “We have a plan,” asserts CEO Rob Fasternack, chuckling at the notion of concern. “Once we’ve accumulated enough interest on our technical debt, we’ll simply declare bankruptcy and start a new venture. It’s foolproof!”
The innovative startup is already making waves, with dozens of other companies following suit. While skeptics worry about an impending tech bubble, TechDoIt and its followers continue their relentless pursuit of growth, secure in their newfound strategy.
The company’s stocks skyrocketed after the announcement. The champagne flowed in the office and they even ordered pizza for everyone, to celebrate their inevitable failure. It remains to be seen if the success will continue, or if the house of cards will crumble under the weight of infinite loops and null pointers.