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Friday, August 9 12:00 AM EDT

July 23 - Aug 22
The next week will be spent waiting for tech support for your DSL connection. Yes, that's some kind of record. All you needed to do was reboot for the settings to take affect though.

Aug 23 - Sept 22
You'll have a tough time escaping the embarrasment later this week when you show your cubicle-mate your Palm V, and ask to see his "handheld".

Sep 23 - Oct 23
You feel left out by all the SirCam virus action having never received one, and realize that either you have very smart friends, or none at all. The stars suggest the latter.

Oct 24 - Nov 21
Much to your chagrin you will be escorted out of the BSD conference this week by security. Apparently BSD doesn't stand for Big Sloppy Drunkfest.

Nov 22 - Dec 21
You feel horrible, but with so many Hotmail servers shut down by Code Red, you're going to have a tough time providing advice to all those friends who sent you their Word documents.

Dec 22 - Jan 19
People will come from miles around to see the giant concave mirror you created using AOL CDs that gives new meaning to the term "fried chicken".

Jan 20 - Feb 18
Burger King gets a new "drive thru" window this week as your GPS system isn't as accurate as you thought.

Feb 19 - Mar 20
The verdict is that you should break up with your boyfriend for being a closet FrontPage user. I asked Barry, he said the same thing.

Mar 21 - Apr 19
Well, the NFL preseason is upon us, and that can mean only one thing: Time to crank up your fantasy football bots in Perl.

Apr 20 - May 20
Put on a happy face! Your Starfleet Academy trading cards you've been saving will double in price late this month, bringing your card collection value to a whopping $27.38.

May 21 - June 21
You thought your dot-com would be the one to hang in there, but unfortunately will go belly-up later this week.

June 22 - July 22
That milk is bad man. Really bad.

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