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Friday, October 5 12:00 AM EDT

Sep 23 - Oct 23
Just because the secretary is 18 does not make what you're doing "legal".

Oct 24 - Nov 21
Those Seinfeld references you've been using are getting a little stale. Time to move on to a more recent sitcom.

Nov 22 - Dec 21
When they tell you your new office will have a window, don't assume they mean it is inside the building. You're going to need a bigger bottle of Windex as the "Head of Window Dirt Regulations".

Dec 22 - Jan 19
If you thought that reconfiguring your database for the potential buyout was tough, just wait till you realize caps lock was on all day. You may want to call in "dead" tomorrow.

Jan 20 - Feb 18
You'll get a personal letter from Bill Gates' lawyers this week. Apparently he didn't appreciate the complete series of Programming for Dummies books you sent him.

Feb 19 - Mar 20
You'll get a bad feeling about the used Amiga you bought for your kids, when you read the minimum requirement to run any software is an "Act of God."


Mar 21 - Apr 19
While the fed may be cutting rates again, your wife still won't think it's a good idea to take out a second mortgage for that Beowulf cluster you've been wanting to purchase.

Apr 20 - May 20
While buying bulk is normally a good thing, next time you might want to make sure the boss' name is spelled correctly on the next shipment of 200,000 letterheads.

May 21 - June 21
Suddenly your brilliant Slashdot karma is crushed when you're modded as "Redundant" because someone else is now imitating your "pseudo-SQL" witty one-liners.
SELECT * FROM lusers WHERE Status = 'Loser'

June 22 - July 22
You'll realize it might be time to cut back on the coffee when your co-workers start referring to you as Restroom Roger.

July 23 - Aug 22
You'll forget your user ID for the last time. Information security is coming down personally with a team of tattoo artists and a bottle of lemon juice.

Aug 23 - Sep 22
Before calling Hewlet Packard to complain to them about the "piece of crap" they sold you, make sure the printer's power button is set to "on" and reset your moron switch to "off."

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