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Tuesday  August 8  11:42 AM EDT

What Would Jesus Run?

By Brian Briggs - Biblical scholars have long pondered which operating system Jesus will use when he returns.   While the Vatican mulls its official stance, the debate rages on in the Slashdot message forums...

What OS Would Jesus Have Chosen?

 cross_1.gif (3059 bytes)Posted by MrJingles on Tuesday August 07, @08:26PM
from the son-of-god dept.
An interesting
article has been posted over at the FreeBSD site on which OS Jesus would have chosen had he come back for the new millenium as promised. They go through several different flavors even some lesser known varieties, like PTX. I'm impressed by the authors' impartiality as FreeBSD ended up in 4th place (mostly because of their daemon mascot). For those who don't want to wade through the entire article, it ended up a tie between DR-DOS and OS/2.

Paul Harvey Not Dead Yet | Ask Slashdot: Do Squirrels Dream in Color? >

OS of the Lord? (Score:4, Amen Brother!)
by badhairday (al@<redacted>.com) on Monday August 07,@08:30PM EDT(#4)
(User #92656842 Info)
This story is old news. I have a full treatise on the OS that Jesus would pick and it ain't DR-DOS.  Here's just a sample from my site. 

If Jesus were around today what OS would he be running? Let's think for a minute. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Hmm... driving other companies into bankruptcy using predatory business practices, doesn't sound very Christian to me. On the other hand the open source movement is all about sharing and cooperation.  Winner:  Linux, Free BSD.

Jesus was a very friendly guy so he would want a user-friendly OS.  He probably would've gone for either Windows 98 or Mac OS in this regard.  I think Windows edges out the Mac, because Steve Jobs thinks he's God and Jesus wouldn't like that very much.  Winner:  Windows 98

In the end the winner was TRS-DOS cause that's what Jesus told me.

What Would Jesus Run? (WWJR)

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Shoddy research (Score:3, Hallelujah)
by coriolisinfection on Monday August 07,@08:33PM EDT(#7)
(User #8675309 Info)
I read the FreeBSD article yesterday and felt is was horribly incomplete so I decided to do a little research on my own.  First, I did a survey using the MMPI-2 to get a psychological profile of the users for each OS.  The FreeBSD paper also ignored many older operating systems. I wasn't able to get a large enough sample size to get significant results so I recruited the help of some computer historians to construct a psychological model for those users. With that done I then contacted the leading Biblical scholars to get their best guess at the psychological makeup of Jesus. With this data in hand all it took was a little number crunching to come up with the answer.

Given their propensity for martyrdom, and the fact that it has been killed and resurrected so many times, I can say with 97.8% +/- 0.342% certainty that Jesus would have used an Amiga.

\_Dr. Jenny Coriolis_/
"It's better to have loved and lost, than to be gang raped in a Turkish prison."

[Reply to This | Parent]
Vader's Choice (Score:5 1, Informative Check Your Facts)
by LesDeNapper on Monday August 07,@08:37PM EDT(#9)
(User #317537 Info)
I don't know what Jesus would have chosen but I do know that Darth Vader was running a Windows based OS on the Death Star. How else could R2D2 have hacked into the system so easily? If Vader had chosen Linux then maybe all those Storm Troopers could've gone home and seen their families.


[Reply to This | Parent]
Wrong! (Score:6, More Informative)
by jedi-master-frank on Monday August 07,@08:40PM EDT(#27)
(User #55378008 Info)
You're such a boob, Star Wars took place in "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away."  A windows based system couldn't have been developed then.  It's possible it could have been some early Unix variation that was misconfigured.

Jedi Master Frank
The Force is in my Pants

[Reply to This | Parent]
  • Keep AOLers off /. by Rambuki24 (Score:1) Monday August 07, @08:44PM EDT
  • Long Time Ago ring a bell? by dunpul2 (Score:1) Monday August 07, @08:48PM EDT
  • 17428 replies beneath your current threshold.
Face the Facts (Score:3, Off Topic but Funny :-)
by YetiCow ( on Monday August 07,@08:38PM EDT(#21)
(User #11235813 Info)
I think it was Benjamin Franklin or maybe Fibonacci who said, "You can lead a horse to water, but try that with a dead elephant. Not as easy is it?"
[Reply to This | Parent]

Slashdot founder Rob Malda was reached for comment while driving a tank around the state of Nevada which he purchased last week and is currently wiring it for gigabit ethernet. When asked which OS he thought Jesus would have chosen he responded "The Who show in Detroit was pretty excellent, and I was pleased that they included several of the mod hits, along with the stable stadium rock hits.  It was pretty amazing to see Pete windmilling away for real and not on VHS"

A little puzzle has been included in this story if you are so inclined.  Each User ID number, has some significance (For example, for a user id of 5551212 the answer would be "Phone number for information."  Not all of them are this easy.)  A clue has been included in each message to help you out.   The answers can be found here.

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