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Wednesday  August 23  11:49 PM EDT

RIAA Sues Mirror Manufacturers

By Brian Briggs

Los Angeles - Calling them promoters of soul stealing the RIAA filed suit today against the mirror manufacturing industry seeking damages of more than $12 billion.  "These soul pirates must be stopped," said RIAA President and CEO Hilary Rosen, "The only purpose of their product is to steal the soul of our musicians, only the RIAA has that right."

Evil QueenThe lawsuit was a hot topic on internet message boards.  One poster on the Napster board wrote, "They can't stop us, it's too late, if they ban mirrors we'll use spoons, ban spoons we'll use tin foil, ban tin foil we'll use shiny black CD covers.  It's not the middle ages anymore, the technology is moving too quickly for them to keep up."

The members of Metallica, who have banned mirrors and shiny objects at their Summer Sanitarium tour, feel this is a worse threat than Napster.  Lars Ulrich said, "I just learned about this soul stealing technology from our managers.  Stealing our music is one thing, stealing our souls is quite another.  Being soulless has its advantages, but as an artist I want to have control over what happens to my soul."

Other artists such as Michael Bolton and Celine Dion aren't as worried, saying they have been producing music without a soul for years now.

In addition to their lawsuit the RIAA also began lobbying for legislation that would require all mirrors to be equipped with soul-blocking technology.  "This soul-blocking technology would make the mirror non-reflective," said Smith Mirrors CEO Thomas Hanlon.  "It's ridiculous, our product would be useless and we'd be driven out of business."

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