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Thursday, May 17 12:01 AM EST

Local Paper Gives Bad Heads

By Brian Briggs

Milan, MI - A small town is in an uproar over recent headlines that have been appearing in the local newspaper.  The headlines were written by a newly hired copy writer who was recently laid off from Yahoo's adult movie operations.

"I used to write the teasers for the movies on the site.  When I got laid off I moved back to my home town and started working at the paper. I'm just trying to do my job," said the former Yahoo! staffer.  "How did I know people were going to get so upset? This is the kind of writing that got me promoted at my old job."

Angry residents have organized a boycott of the paper and its advertisers.   "We're not going to stand for this kind of filth in our town," said local ninny Agnes Wilson.  Here are some of the headlines that have them outraged:

Bitch Didn't See It Coming
A story about a prize winning dog who didn't see the bus before she crossed the street and was killed.

Rock Hard Cock Tall and Proud
A story about a recently commissioned statue of a rooster that was erected in a local park.

Pussy Lover Eating Out
A story about a feline aficionado who's decided not to cook for himself.

Not all the residents are upset town, pervert Howard Graves supports the paper, "I was a little disappointed by the stories after reading the headlines, but I think the paper is headed in the right direction."

"I'm chief cook and bottle washer around here and I can't check everything that goes into the paper," said Senior Editor Cindy Herrold. "I'll be checking the headlines a little more closely from now on."

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