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Monday, June 4 12:01 AM EST

Gates Says Linux Best OS Ever

By Brian Briggs

At a hastily convened press conference Bill Gates announced that he personally thinks that "Linux is the best OS ever." 

Linux #1He added, "Mundie and Ballmer are idiots.  Their talk about how open source software damages intellectual property or how Linux is a cancer, is moronic.  When I heard these attacks I felt sick to my stomach.  How could a company that I poured my blood, sweat and tears into spread these untruths?  My conscience guides me, that's why I'm before you today."

Gates then went on for fifteen minutes explaining why Linux was superior to all other computer operating systems - "especially Windows."

During the question and answer period that followed many reporters openly questioned Gates sanity and sobriety.  "Have you gone mad?", "Are you drunk?", "What about Windows XP," they asked.  Though it was requested several times Gates refused both a psychiatric examination and a breathalyzer test.

Scores of Linux web sites were quick to declare victory with headlines like, "Torvalds Defeats Gates!"  Others were more hesitant, and suspected a Microsoft conspiracy.  Open source advocate Bruce Torman said, "Microsoft is at it again! Linux. This argument that Linux is the best OS ever is just another red herring by the Microsoft PR machine.  Aw screw it, I don't know what the hell to make of it."

In addition to praising Linux as the best operating system ever, Gates also had some critical comments of Microsoft's flagship OS.  "I never really liked Windows all that much," said Gates, "All that crashing and rebooting drove me nuts.  I stopped using it about 3 years ago, but it was a pretty good money maker for the company so we stuck with it." And continued with a confusing explanation of a recent car donation he made.

Gates added, "Keep in mind that the opinions offered are my own personal opinions, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Microsoft."

A Microsoft marketing representative was heard muttering, "You got that right."

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