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Sunday, July 8 12:01 AM EST

Jesus' Email Campaign Fails

By Brian Briggs

Modesto, CA - Christ Almighty, savior of Heaven and Earth, fully aware of his declining numbers among white, technology using males from 18-30, decided to begin his return to  Earth in a hip and bold manner, with a message of the future so promising no one could ignore it.

To: <undisclosed>
Subject: Congratulations!

Dear Friend,
This letter was specially selected to be sent to you.

This is NOT an Internet SCAM!

You can begin at absolutely no cost to you!

The time is NOW to for you to SAVE yourself! Simply respond to this
email with the various sins you are repenting.

I IMPLORE you - act now ! Sign up a friend and your friend will
be saved as well!

Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at

Results, were mixed. Of the 500 million people sent the message, only 1 elderly women from Maine actually responded correctly. Some 20,000 others responded professing the sin "unsubscribe".

Undaunted by his failure, Christ is working on yet another project to get his message across to the millions of his flock with sort attention spans - "Zap the Monkey for Redemption."

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