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Wednesday, Seeptember 26 12:01 AM EST

Tech CEOs Forced Into Moonlighting

By Brian Briggs

San Jose, California - Recent downturns in the stock market, especially within the technology sector, have forced numerous CEOs into pursuing additional jobs.  "We've hit some tough times," said Jim Morgan of Applied Materials.  "Some of us have lost millions of dollars just in the last months, not to mention how bad things have been over the last year.  So I figure you have to get some of it back somehow.  Hey, do you want fries with that?"

Pizza's Here John Chambers from Cisco Systems agrees.  "It's all about the great entrepreneurial spirit.  I mean, think about it - I've lost maybe half of my personal wealth here.  I've dropped from being a billionaire to just another multi-millionaire!  That's a lot of cash!  Did you think I would just be sitting around waiting for it to come back to me?  I figure that it might take me a while, but I'm going to get back what's mine.  Hey, did you say the corner of Market and Powell?  That'll be $32.50."

Some executives have been luckier.  Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, has recently been touring as a backup dancer for Destiny's Child. Bandleader Beyonce Knowles exclaimed at a recent concert, "We saw him bouncin' around in that Developers video, and I turned to LeToya and said, 'Oooh, LeToya, we gotta get that boy on the road with us!" Ballmer was unavailable for comment.

Others have been more forceful in their tactics.  Employees at Oracle Software have been complaining that Larry Ellison has been forcing them to accept a window washing from him or risk firing.  "He's just standing at the exit of the parking lot with his bucket and squeegee, pacing back and forth," said Tim Gibbons, a database engineer.  "Whenever anyone tries to go home, he runs to their car with a spray bottle in one hand and a pad of pink slips in the other - it's really freaky!  Security has approached him twice, but each time he just fires the guy and keeps going.  And he's not even very good; I've got streaks all over and he missed a bunch of bugs!"

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