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Friday, February 22 12:00 AM EDT

Feb 19 - Mar 20
It will be the toughest decision you ever have to make but you'll be forced to sell your newly acquired GeForce4 for groceries to avoid starvation. And, no, overclocking your checkbook doesn't work.

Mar 21 - Apr 19
Despite your intense lobbying, "Server Room Hockey" won't be included in the 2006 Winter Games. The dream will have to wait.

Apr 20 - May 20
The switch to Linux was a lot less painful than you expected. The unexpected beatings you received from Microsoft's Persuasion Squad evened things out.

May 21 - June 21
You will need to review your constitutional law as "taking the fifth" in front of Congress isn't equivalent to "taking the fifth" from Hamid's House of Liquor.

June 22 - July 22
You will get a chance this week to sacrifice your self-respect and dignity for a larger cubicle. The choice will be much more difficult than you had anticipated.

July 23 - Aug 22
Your "Honeys of Curling" calendar goes on to become the least popular piece of Olympic merchandise in history.

Aug 23 - Sep 22
Instead of spending 10 minutes explaining the difference between "loose" and "lose" to the Yung Luvers chat room, you may want to do something more useful with your time, like teaching your fish to talk.

Sep 23 - Oct 23
You realize that your cable Internet service provider may not be the best high speed service in your area, but at least it's the only one.

Oct 24 - Nov 21
Shakespeare's Richard III will prove prophetic for your upcoming bug hunt. A semicolon, a semicolon, my weekend for a semicolon.

Nov 22 - Dec 21
You may not have won her heart on Valentine's Day, but at least you got the restraining order revoked.

Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your horoscope this week is a lie.

Jan 20 - Feb 18
A coworker prematurely ends your week of only speaking in Lord of the Rings quotes by showing you the "one ring" that will leave a scar on your nose.

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