Hollywood, CA - In an attempt to trump the success of Harry Potter
and the Sorceror's Stone, director Chris Columbus has decided to
replace young actress Emma Watson with pop singer and "actress" Britney
Spears in the role of Hermione Granger, one of Harry Potter's best
friends. This will be a huge step for Miss Spears, after petitions
have been circulating asking for her removal from the third Austin
Powers movie cast.
was impressed with Spears' school girl performance in the video Baby
One More Time, and confessed he would love to see her with a broomstick
between her legs.
"The apparent change in Hermione will be explained by sudden
growth spurt and an Enlargio Globus spell. We will make sure the
children understand that," said Chris Columbus. "And all
the actors seem pleased with my decision." A drooling Daniel
Radcliffe (Harry Potter) and Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) nodded in
"I'll be back," said the frustrated Emma Watson. "With
the money I made from the first movie, I'll cast my own Enlargio
Globus spell, and then we'll see who's cast for the THIRD movie."
Since Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling had asked that all actors
be from England, this posed a problem for Mr. Columbus. "We
have reached an agreement with Ms. Rowling," he stated. "Britney's
voice will be dubbed over with Gwenyth Paltrow's British accent."
Fans of the books had mixed reactions. Some thought that the change
would tarnish the integrity of the Harry Potter series, while others
were pleased that their thoughts about Hermione would be less socially
Britney Spears was unavailable for comment, since she was busy speaking
with her lawyers about suing young Mr. Radcliffe for grabbing her
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