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Monday, March 18 12:01 AM EST

Microsoft Unveils New
Spam Blocking Technology

By Francisco Rangel

Redmond, WA - Microsoft has taken a new step in the ongoing fight against spam. The software company will offer a new Spam Blocking service named "Block XP". Initially, the service was tested on Hotmail accounts, but now is included as an IIS Service.

At a press conference, Steve Ballmer explained, "Our new system is guaranteed to only let through the e-mail that you want to see." He then proceeded to dance around singing, "Unspamable! Unspamable! Unspamable! Unspamable!"

Bill Gates spoke to the audience, explaining how the system works. "We've replaced unreliable computer filtering with specially trained third-world laborers. These workers, or 'Spam Blockers' as we like to call them, will personally check each and every one of the e-mails you are getting. Any suspicious messages will be sent to a Junk Mail folder or deleted right away."

The initial Hotmail users, were impressed by the new technology. "This system really has cut down on the spam I've been receiving. Come to think of it I haven't gotten any e-mails recently," said Harold Gorman, MSCE.

Consuela Xiang a 12 year old veteran employee of Microsoft's Block XP project said, "I get mail. I delete mail. I eat today."

Some users did remark that they were receiving more "special offers" about Windows XP and MSN than they did before the system was put in place.

George W. Bush chastised Microsoft for exporting e-mail monitoring jobs when the US had a fully staffed FBI already in place.

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