Waukegan, IL - Eight year old Bryan Sims announced today that he
did not have $15 million to purchase a fighter jet that he told his
friends and classmates he was going to buy. Investors in Mr. Sims
plans quickly tried to pull their money out of the project only to
find that instead of $15 million dollars, Bryan Sims was broke.
Instead of accruing the cash for the capital purchase, Bryan was
instead funneling the money to dining and entertainment expenses,
clearly in violation of generally accepted allowance accounting principles.
Bryan also used some fancy math symbols he saw on the Internet to
further veil his deception.
"I trusted all my allowance money to Bryan Sims with the hopes
of blowing up the school with that F-16. Now I find out he spent
it all on comic books and GTA 3. A lot of people have been hurt by
this malfeasance," lamented Rodney Seiler, 9. "Our parents
need to step in and bail us out."
"I looked at his financial statements and they just didn't
make sense," said Melody Whiteman, 7. "Math is hard so
I got my sister to take a look at them. She told me that Justin Timberlake
is 'soooo cute'."
Wendy and Martin Sims exposed the fraud after hearing rumors of
the impending fighter jet purchase. "We wondered how he could've
amassed that much cash on a $5 a week allowance and still have enough
to purchase all those comic books."
After failing to get his Fifth Amendments rights recognized Sims
entered into a plea bargain arrangement whereby he will serve four
weeks under house arrest and offer restitution of lost funds to the
victims of his crime. In return for his guilty plea Bryan will not
be forced to sell his Playstation 2 that he got for Christmas.
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