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Friday, July 11 12:00 AM EDT

June 22 - July 22
The party at the office this week is really your good-bye luncheon. Extra steps have been taken to ensure your departure. Avoid the potato salad.

July 23 - Aug 22
Your social life improves after you exchange phone numbers with a cute girl on the train. Things take a turn next week when your glasses will be ready at the optometrist.

Aug 23 - Sep 22
Having a girlfriend in the tech industry has its drawbacks as you discover that you are not her "hot, sweaty stud" but her "hot swap spare".

Sep 23 - Oct 23
Good news, this week you will successfully synchronize your office workstation, home PC, laptop and handheld. Bad news, your notes for the management briefing have been replaced by last night's chat log. You probably should have checked before starting up PowerPoint.

Oct 24 - Nov 21
Try as you might, girls are not turned on by your "undisclosed location". Time to move out of your parent's garage.

Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your reputation at work sinks even lower after that last trip for training. For expense purposes the salt around the margarita glass does not constitute a meal. And no matter what Bob will tell you next month, neither do olives.

Dec 22 - Jan 19
The stars don't care how close that spider was to your overclocked Athlon. It's not going to bite you and give you super spider powers.

Jan 20 - Feb 18
After months of registry tweaks and sifting through dll files you will successfully remove IE from your system. Too bad your screensaver will recreate it from scratch the next time it runs.

Feb 19 - Mar 20
You did get that song out of your head by singing it, but the meeting with the Japanese businessmen was not the right moment to do it. "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto" is not as amusing to them as it is to you.

Mar 21 - Apr 19
You will return from lunch to discover a downside of your BSOD screensaver. A helpful support technician has Ghosted your machine. Viva Windows for Workgroups!

Apr 20 - May 20
You will be visited by an old acquaintance. Unfortunately, he's now an IRS guy and he looks very happy to have found you at last.

May 21 - June 21
Be strong and go ask for that raise. But if your boss says "no" again, don't cry like a little girl this time, he enjoys that.

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