Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Mental Floss
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Wednesday, October 9 12:01 AM EST

Imminent Death of Microsoft, Try #117

By Wallace W. Wednesday

You all know how I feel about Microsoft from my decade of previous columns. Frauds! Failures! I've predicted their downfall many times in the past ten years (116 times but who's counting), but this time I have found their Hercules heels!

Microsoft miscalculated MASSIVELY on their Dot Net strategy. Getting absorbed in the Internet mania Microsoft mistakenly believed that Dot Net would become as popular as Dot Com and be another faucet of funds. Funny, when was the last time anybody registered a Dot Net domain? 1894? I'm kidding! I registered back in 1996 (take that squatters!) All aboard. Sorry, Microsoft you missed the boat. Fools!

Ballmer and company want to switch focus of their failed strategy from Dot Net domain names to an all encompassing product naming contrivance. Dot Net suffix mania! Office Dot Net. Photoshop Dot Net. Steve Ballmer Dot Monkey. I'm kidding! (loosen the restraining order or it's years more of my barbed commentary Steve-O). Destined for failure! Strategy sounds familiar? Yes! Apple has already used this strategy with their "i" products. Ipod. Imac. Iroc. We all know how incompetent Microsoft becomes when they copy Apple. Morons!

Apple. Powerful foe? Yes! Unfortunately, Microsoft mops the floor with the Santa Clara lackeys, but the software strongman has never faced anything like KDE/Linux (pronounced kuh-dee-front-slash-li-nucks, don't ask me why, it's a long story). You may not have heard of this roving band of programming hooligans, but they are smart and they give their stuff away for free! Why didn't I think of that? I'm told there are versions of KDE/Linux that look exactly like Windows XP. You can send e-mail, listen to MP3s and surf the Internet. Rumor has it that printing will be available next year! Did I mention it's FREE?!? How can Microsoft compete against this?

Speaking of free software steamrollers, the imminent demise of Microsoft's Office nears like the flaming Phoenix on the horizon. Engulfed by the fiery blaze of Sun's Star Office. My recommendation of the stellar office suite to ALL my clients has already gouged market share out of Microsoft's cash cow's hide. From a staggering 96.4% to a much less staggering 96.3%! Survivability is negatory, good buddy. Bring out the life support. If there is a God in heaven, Clippy will be vaporized in the super-Star Office-nova.

Finally the HP-Dell merger creates an undeniably powerful synergistic behemoth. Was that coherent? No! It doesn't matter, Microsoft still has to compete. HP's printers completely obliterate the offerings from Microsoft. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Mr. Needs-a-Court-Order-to-Protect-his-Children!

You might think I have some sort of vendetta against the Giant of Portland but you're wrong like FAT16! How can they survive another year with all these barbarians at the Gates? If you can see how, then you are a bigger fool than I!

Footnote: The premier technology news website "The Bbspot" has added the Wednesday Wally to their site. Welcome "The Bbspot" readers!

Wallace W. Wednesday, President and Founder of WWWednesday Consulting LLC, resides in San Mingo Guapo, California. He comments on all aspects of technology in his syndicated column Wednesday Wally and during his weekly radio show.

The following disclaimer must be attached to all documents produced by Wallace W. Wednesday or WWWednesday Consulting LLC by order of the Superior Court of California, County of San Francisco. This ruling is unrelated to the Microsoft restraining order.

Disclaimer: A strong correlation has been proven between advice given by Mr. Wednesday and WWWednesday Consulting LLC, and several corporate bankruptcies. Extreme caution is urged before following any advice proffered by Mr. Wednesday or his companies.

More Tech News

Recommend this Story to a Friend

Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Amazon Find the BBook


  Politics Contact FAQs

Copyright 1999-2023 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.