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Wednesday,  February 19 12:01 AM EDT

ICQ Log Study Shows Americans
Have "Ungood Grammer"

By Brian Briggs

Little Rock, AR - A recent study of ICQ logs by the Society for Gooder Grammar (SGG) showed that 90 per cent of Americans have "ungood grammer", but where the blame lays might be surprising.

"Its really scarey how bad these Americans communicate with themself's," said Hunter Echo of SGG during an ICQ interview. "'How r u?' roughly translate means 'How our you?' How difficult is it to type out the entire word porperly. We don't put the balm entirley on Americans, we think AOL (creater of the software) is responsible for installing a grammer UNchecker which purposefully distorts the persons' grammer. All american's can't be that stuipid? Kan they?"

AOL-Time Warner denies the creation of a grammar unchecker for its software, and said the company always takes great pride in using proper grammar. Fran Swartok, ICQ product manager, said, "Every aspect of our company proclaims our pride in proper grammar, from 'You've got mail' to "So easy to use: no wonder its easy to use.' Case closed."

This ennui is weighing on my soul. We should be partaking of libations instead of enduring this pedant. So, ne ways im so board. lets go ot the mal and have a pepsi and SCOPE 4 BOYZ!!!
A message from a 12 year old ICQ user before and after the grammar unchecker

The SGG, unfazed by AOL-TW's remarks, has proposed a bill to Congress which would require all instant messaging software to include real-time grammar checking software, and would make grammar unchecking software illegal. SGG also believes that the US educational system bears some of the responsibility, and an amendment to the bill would require grammar to be taught in American schools.

Other interesting data found in the study were common mispellings such as; "loose" for "lose", "4" for "for" and "Democrats" for "winners."

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