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Tuesday,  March 25 12:01 AM EDT

Senator Opposes War in Iraq,
Supports Hookers

By Brian Briggs

Washington D.C. - Democratic Senator Vern Hamilton from Michigan announced today that while he opposes the invasion of Iraq, he fully supports the men and women, mainly women, walking the streets of Washington D.C.

"I vocally opposed the legislation giving President Bush authority to send troops into Iraq. I question the President's motive for sending troops to topple Saddam, but I don't question the motives of our men and women in fur," said Hamilton.

"Our President has thrown diplomacy out the window, much like hookers are thrown out the window when they short their pimps. While our troops tool around the desert in HumVees worth thousands of dollars, our ladies of the night give tools hummers for a mere $20," explained Hamilton.

Hamilton continued, "It's the duty of every American whether they support this war or not that they pray for our prostitutes to make us come quickly. It's time for our citizens to go to the mattresses."

In support of the women of the night, Senator Hamilton has proposed Senate Resolution #2769, which calls for tax deductibility for Senators visiting whores. The bill passed unanimously and is awaiting approval by the House of Representatives.

Senator Hill from West Virginia cosponsored the legislation. "While the relationship between the War in Iraq and prostitution is tenuous, I fully support Senator Hamilton's request for more action on the streets," he said.

President Bush responded to the Senator's complaints in an address at the Rose Garden. "While I'm disappointed the Senator Hamilton does not support the war effort, I'll be happy to sign his bill when it falls in my lap. Nothing makes Saddam angrier than knowing you're getting busy with a street walker in the front seat of an American-made Oldsmobile Cutlass."

In related news, Senator Casey of Arkansas introduced similar legislature asking for Americans to eat less fried foods so we could reduce our nation's dependence on oil.

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