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Monday,  June 9 12:01 AM EDT

Paramount Acquires Movie Rights to Shakira's Ass

By Brian Briggs

Hollywood, CA - Following the acquisition of the rights to make a movie based on Avril Lavigne's song "Sk8er Boi", Paramount added to its music-to-movie portfolio by purchasing the rights to Shakira's ass.

Hollywood Hits Bottom

A reported bidding war between Paramount and Columbia drove up the price of the booty to over $12 million. Hollywood insiders questioned the logic of paying so much for ass rights. "My lord, have you seen it?" responded Paramount executive Fred Simpkins.

"I have a pretty good idea of what I'd like to do with Shakira's ass," said Simpkins. "On the movie side, we already have a few projects underway. For instance, we're basing the sequel to The Core on Shakira's rear. In the original film the core of the earth had stopped spinning, and a ragtag band of scientists had to drill to the center of the earth. Once there they detonate a nuclear weapon to get it spinning again. In The Core 2: The Day Shakira's Ass Stood Still, Shakira's booty has stopped shaking, and a ragtag band of scientists need to do some fancy drilling to get it started. Leading men have been lining up to be a part of the cast."

Simpkins also said there are plans for a movie entitled, Being Shakira's Ass. "It's a surrealistic comedy about a married couple who start selling access to Shakira's buns, like Being John Malkovich only lower," he explained.

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Controversial director Michael Moore has expressed interest in a documentary on the singer's behind.

The Paramount acquisitions have other studios scrambling to keep up. Sony Pictures has acquired the rights to the guitar riff from "Smoke on the Water." Dreamworks has optioned Christina Aguilera's left ankle.

This is the first time a major movie studio has purchased rights to performer's body part.

Bonus Feature: Top 11 Movies Based on Shakira's Ass

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