||August 8, 2003
||Quick-cut title-splash, slow-motion
||Assault rifles, Colin Farrell's
Eyebrow of Power, handguns, battering ram, sniper rifle,
machine gun, harpoon gun, shotgun, nightstick, Fists of Fury,
fireball, semi-truck, rocket launcher, cell phone, flying glass.
|"In a world where..."
"...put together a young, top-notch..."
||5% (lots of weapons and explosions)
Everything right is wrong again just like in the long, long trailer.
I'm surprised it's taken Hollywood over fifteen years to remake this
70s TV show. S.W.A.T. was always one of my favorites. Of course,
I was only six years old. If you have the tastes of a six year old,
then I'm sure you will like the trailer for S.W.A.T.
Before I describe the plot, I'd like to take a moment to applaud
the producers for not changing the name of the movie to S.W.A.X.
or TactiX or something else with an X in it.
This trailer follows the action movie playbook very closely. The
initial action sequence that has nothing to do with the rest of the
trailer. The bonding sequence between a ragtag bunch of misfits that
must pull together to save the day. The evil bureaucratic Captain
that's out to get the likable renegade cop that must redeem himself.
Then the test of all the training. A criminal pledges $100 million
to anyone who breaks him out of prison. Let's pause for a moment
to insert some logic.
The criminal is worth billions of dollars and he needs to plead
for help on TV? Where are all his minions? Anyone with access to
that kind of cash wouldn't need to beg and wouldn't be anywhere near
a microphone. Back to the playbook...
The B.A.D. guy escapes with the help of E.V.I.L. S.W.A.T. Only two
types of bad guys exist for this type of movie. One is the brother
of a bad guy that the cops put away, or it's a cop/soldier/scientist
gone bad. It's never some random guy off the streets.
of Power, ATTACK!
Four S.W.A.T members do the slow-motion hero walk. BBspot favorite
Colin Farrell and his Eyebrow of Power, Michelle Rodriguez,
LL Cool J and some guy who has no lines and barely any face time
in the trailer. Pop Quiz: Which one of these is going to die in the
arms of Colin Farrell and not make it to the sequel? That's correct.
The one whose name isn't mentioned in the trailer. He might as well
be wearing a red Star Trek uniform.
The trailer has lots of quick cuts and consists mainly of action
scenes with lots of guns, which is what you would expect in a Special
Weapons and Tactics trailer. For some reason I can't picture Colin
Farrell as a S.W.A.T. guy. He's too squirrelly and no S.W.A.T. guy
would ever have his haircut.
I'm pretty disappointed that I'm in this one too."
I did enjoy the soundtrack for the trailer. I was reminded of the
Miami Vice theme with all the drums, and of course the classic S.W.A.T.
theme makes an appearance.
Conclusion on Trailer: It's a very nice trailer which follows
the plot of a standard Hollywood action movie to a tee. The spoilage
factor is pretty high, but that means that you can watch the trailer
and skip the movie.
Conclusion on Movie: If you like surprises then you can skip
this one. If you like generic Hollywood action pictures then this
is the one for you. Or, the simpler one word review. S.H.I.T.
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