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Friday, November 6 12:00 AM EST

Trailer Review: The Cat in the Hat

By Brian Briggs


Starring Mike Myers
Director Bo Welch
Official Site Link
US Opening

November 21, 2003

Rated PG
Genre Dr. Suess desecration
Trailer Clichés "From the producer of..."
Explosions 0
Weapons Falling dresser, Mike Myers
Voiceover Yes
"In a world where..."

"The ultimate game of cat and house."

Spoilage Factor 45%
Geek Factor 5% (CGI character, cult children's book)
See Trailer? No
See Movie? No

I am The Cat in the Hat trailer.

The Cat in the Hat trailer I am.

And I suck.

Did these people even read the book? I have a feeling they didn’t. They had some guy who read the book about twenty years ago tell them about it while they were all drunk. Then they continued drinking while they cast the roles for the movie. Then they switched to acid when they made the sets. Crack when they shot the scenes. Speedballs when they made the trailer.

I realize the producers of this film needed to flesh out the story to fit the feature-length requirement. I don’t want a word for word adaptation of the children’s story. I do, however, expect it to be true to the spirit of the book, much like The Lord of the Rings. Maybe someday Peter Jackson will decide to do The Cat in the Hat, or at least somebody who’s read the book and directed a movie before.

"We missed it by this much."

This trailer was not made in the spirit of the book. This trailer is not funny. It does not make me want to see the movie. This trailer has cost this economy three million jobs. This trailer is a miserable failure.

My first thought when I saw the trailer was, “That’s Mike Myers in a cheap cat suit.” It looks hideous. Maybe Seuss’ drawings can’t be adapted to anything, but animation. Visually neither The Grinch nor this trailer reminded me of Seuss.

My next objection is the rating. How could the Cat in the Hat be rated PG? Double entendres? Crude humor? In an earlier version of the trailer, Mike Myers in a cat suit looks at a centerfold of the kids’ mother. Is that in the spirit of Seuss? I might expect a Willy Wonka fright from this movie, but not that.

And, Mike Myers is the wrong choice for the cat in the hat. The cat isn’t fat. The cat isn’t a comedian. The cat is more of a suave, mischievous type. His voice in my head doesn’t have a strange accent either. I think a better choice would’ve been Alan Cumming, but his name doesn’t have the box office draw, too bad for us.

"I was even more wasted when I agreed to do this movie."

Conclusion on Trailer: Do not see it on TV, do not see it on DVD. You will not like this hatty cat. You will not like it, this I spat.

Conclusion on Movie: Reasons to see this movie:

1. Hired killer kidnaps family and will kill them unless you go to see it.

2. You worked on the movie and it’s in your contract to be at the premiere.

3. You think this movie will be so bad that it goes right past bad into good again.

Otherwise, rent the Chuck Jones version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas instead.

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