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Wednesday, December 3 12:00 PM EDT

Ways Peter Jackson Could Ruin The Return of the King

11. At the end Gandalf seen stroking the ring in black robes saying, "My preciousss." Setting up Lord of the Rings: Part IV.
10. Legolas and Aragorn competing to see who can toss Gimli over the Crack of Doom.
9. Immortals sailing off to the west to the tune of Styx's "Come Sail Away."
8. Gollum swallowing ring, they have to wait a few days for it to come out.
7. Gandalf talks orcs into union labor strike against Sauron, there is no huge battle scene.
6. Citizens of Gondor overthrowing Aragorn's monarchy and install a representative democracy.
5. Side plot involving disgruntled rock bands whose Monsters of Pelennor concert gets interrupted by giant battle.
4. Scouring of the shire replaced with massive hobbit rave-orgy.
3. Gollum biting off Frodo's hand then revealing he is Frodo's father.
2. Revealing that hobbits are short because of a genetic defect caused by toxic runoff from Rivendell.
1. Sam holding up 9.5 after Gollum dives into Crack of Doom. Exchanging high 4s with Frodo.

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