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Friday, January 9 12:01 AM EST

Dec 22 - Jan 19
Try all you want, but neither a reboot nor a firmware update will fix your vacuum cleaner. Try a new bag.

Jan 20 - Feb 18
Don't get too excited about that "hot date" with the gorgeous secretary. She really meant what she said when she asked you over to, "Help fix my computer."

Feb 19 - Mar 20
The stars predict that your friends will try to help you by doing your work for you this week -- you may want to prøøfread it, though.

Mar 21 - Apr 19
It may have been the way the cookie crumbled, but in so doing, it completely disabled your browser!

Apr 20 - May 20
This Thursday you'll lose all faith in horoscopes.

May 21 - June 21
Those buddies from NASA sure are funny. Taping your only locker key to the bottom of the Mars rover was a good one.

June 22 - July 22
You’ll have trouble convincing your friends of your total lack of virginity.

July 23 - Aug 22
You'll realize that your protest about the new US policy of fingerprinting foreigners went a bit too far when you find it difficult to use your computer without fingers.

Aug 23 - Sep 22
Sure, the network rejected your "How Many Supermodels Can I Sleep With?" reality show, but it was fun doing the pilot anyway.

Sep 23 - Oct 23
Admitting you bet on Quake Deathmatches is only the first step towards entering the Gamers Hall of Fame.

Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your week will be filled with intrigue and romance as you conclude your soap opera watching marathon.

Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your mention of your old 14.4 modem will trap you in an hour-long reminiscence of archaic computer parts with the VP of Engineering. Loose lips, miss coffee breaks.

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